Cari,

The situation with your parents moves me.
The distance issue that you have to deal with must be terribly frustrating
for you,
especially when trying to counteract their desire to seclude themselves.
If you are an only (adult) child,
or if you are the only sibling in your family that takes an interest in
their lives,
it can be incredibly overwhelming.

We don't hear many caregivers on this list  who are 'adult children
of'...voicing their own feelings.
It is usually a caregiving stance we take
(one of asking questions,seeking specific information for immediate
use, regaining perspective and reassurance that our part in a parent's pd is
one based in love....
and sometimes we gravitate to the humourous to relieve the stressful
uncertainty of it all).
But an adult child who becomes a caregiver for a pd parent
enters into a confusing role that redefines the role of child-parent...it
takes some getting used to.

My mother lives alone, in the neighbouring city (20 minutes away), so I am
luckier.
But she has two other adult children (one of whom lives four blocks away)
who show no interest, compassion or support for her...this astounds me.
And it places such an enormous responsibility on me not to make any mistakes
where her health is concerned.

I think that we need support groups for adult children of pwps...
ones that are educational to inform us of effective pd healthcare,
and ones that also allow us to explore, discuss and understand
the nature of how our relationship with our parent has changed.
We need to do this in the spirit of love.

Soooo...if you or anyone else hears of sites or chatrooms specifically for
'adult children of...'
(as Cari has  mentioned) I too would find this valuable.

One thing that I will note before I end this...
my evolving relationship with my mother has transcended the traditional role
of parent-child
in some undefined way.
At times, I think of us as friends who are learning together in the same
tutorial,
and I become grateful to have this opportunity to see her as a person
other than just my parent.
Serendipity?

If the world is a text,
how we read it provides us with our worldview
and defines who we are in it...
Just one of the many pd lessons to be gleaned
while on the planet this time 'round.

Joan U.



-----Original Message-----
From: Cari Barrett <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Wednesday, February 02, 2000 1:44 PM
Subject: children of PWP


>terri / joanne -
>my father has had PD for 16+ years, tho' for some reason (perhaps more
>obvious symptoms and my lack of knowledge of PD) i have only been really
>involved with him and mom for the past couple of years -
>daddy is 70 -
>mom 68 -
>they live in tyler, texas
>me in los angeles, california
>it's a tough thing to see and even tougher long distance -
>
>my biggest obstacle has been that my mom is not a caregiver by nature, and
it
>is very hard to see my father "neglected" and "disregarded" - but not in a
>harmful or intentional way -
>plus they seem to have no interest in ways to improve the quality of their
>lives - unlike the list members who, for the most part, are open & eager to
>stay current with what's going on and how to better their circumstances -
my
>parents have taken the seclusion route - relying only on each other -
>believing that there are no choices - this is the hand they've been dealt -
>
>from a distance - it drives me crazy and my relationship with my parents
has
>been completely turned upside down - patience is a virtue - something i
have
>so little of, but am working on. . .
>
>perhaps there are sites out there specifically for "children of" (anyone
>know?) but until then - thank goodness for PIEN -
>
>cari
>"daughter of. . . "
>