hi all

as kefuffles go
this one is virtually a non-starter
[in my humble opinion]

i know i've posted this a lot
but i thought this might be apropos
for some newbies at the moment

it's on my website under 'my words to the pienet/perceptions'

the 'notes for newbies' section is expanded as well
some items there might be relevant here too

a rose is a rose is a rose ...

peace and love y'all

janet


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               Post: 027640
               Date: Mon, 14 Jul 1997
               Subj: perceptions
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               dear syber-siblings

               for those who don't know me very well
               i use the term 'siblings' consciously and deliberately
               this group has great importance to me as an extended family

               i live on an island with a population of 55,000
               and have never met another parkie
               let alone a support group
               so 'you lot' are it

               since october 1995
               when i was privileged to join this ethereal family
               i have:
               posted daily at times
               posted infrequently at times
               lurked for months at a stretch
               all depending on my own circumstances and my own energy levels

               i deal with parkinson's disease [pd]
               as well as with clinical depression [cd]
               and at times, i think cd is the harder battle

               when my thinking
               is bright and clear
               my sense of self is strong
               my sense of humour is at its gooffiest
               my inherent natural joy in life is in top form
               and my tolerance for the actions of others is at its most generous

               when i am caught
               in the Grey Cloud [GC]
               of Clinical Depression [CD]
               or other Similarly Laden Internalized Modes of Expression [SLIME!]

               my thinking becomes
               consistently negative
               my sense of self is muddied
               the joy in life doesn't exist
               [and never did, and never will return]
               there is little in this wide world and dark to laugh at
               and there are very few people out there
               [a] who are worth my attention and
               [b] who would ever feel i was worthy of their attention.

               this kind of murky thinking grows slowly and insidiously
               and feeds on itself in a slippery downward spiral
               i know it intimately

               the hardest work i've done in the past few years
               is learn to recognise it
               for what it is

               once i realize what's going on
               a little crack appears in the overhead gloom
               and then it's 'just' a matter of consciously working
               at reversing the downhill slide by whatever means necessary

               for me
               the epiphany
               in this struggle was
               suddenly learning that i had a choice in my emotional reactions
               that these dank cobwebby veils of negative emotion
               were hanging all around me
               because i allowed them to

               that is not to say
               that i'm 'guilty' of causing my own murk
               rather
               i comprehend that i have a conscious choice
               and in using that choice
               there is strength

               our society's brain-washing-staining includes a chronic tendency
               to look at things through a lens of confrontation
               life and its challenges are tackled
               from the narrow perspective of
               either/or
               all or nothing
               my way or the highway
               if something's wrong, someone must be blamed
               and on and on

               from a wide angle perspective
               i believe this approach results
               in global confrontations like bosnia, belfast, et al

               from a close-up perspective
               i believe this approach results
               in personal problems like family estrangement
               i know that intimately too.

               i have an inherent distaste for any kind of censorship
               and would resist any attempt to restrict
               my own voice

               where am i going with all this?

               choice - i can choose how i feel and react to circumstances and individuals
               confront - all of society [including me] are conditioned to confrontation
               voice - i demand the right to my own voice

               if my re-actions are coloured by my negative choice
               then i'm doomed to confrontation and censorship as coping techniques

               if my re-actions are coloured by my positive choice
               then the conditioning comes under question and voices are heard

               i had a hard time
               wrapping my brain around the idea
               that i have a choice in how i react to things
               including how i react emotionally

               this helped:

               ~~~~~~

               As novices we think we're entirely responsible for
               the way people treat us
               I have long since learned that we are responsible only for
               the way we treat people

                               Rose Lane
               ~~~~~

               i think this concept has been wonderfully demonstrated
               by the incredible people on this list
               in the range of re-actions posted
               in regard to jeanne's message 'get a clue'

               jeanne was obviously 'spilling' a lot of anger and frustration
               as a 'receiver' i could have reacted with
               anger
               and interpreted her words as out of line and insulting
               or fear
               and interpreted her words as a personal attack
               or acceptance
               and interpreted her words as her opinion, nothing more, nothing less
               or empathy
               and interpreted her words as her expression of frustration

               whatever
               but it is my choice now
               i'm not at the mercy of the tempest
               no one or thing can 'make' me feel anything
               my emotions are my own

               i can choose to see the cup as half empty
               and worry about what i don't have
               or
               i can choose to see the cup as half full
               and enjoy what i have

               it's still the same cup
               but my outlook is not

               i can see jeanne's or ken's or whoever's messages
               as annoying or as communication
               they are still the same messages but my outlook is not

               i can see the volume of messages on the list
               as an overwhelming burden or as generous sharing
               the volume is still the same but my outlook is not

               janet
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janet paterson
53 now / 41 dx / 37 onset
a new voice: http://www.geocities.com/janet313/
613 256 8340 PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario Canada K0A 1A0