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CASLL-L  May 2000

CASLL-L May 2000

Subject:

Fw: soap joke

From:

"Tania S. Smith" <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

CASLL/Inkshed <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Tue, 16 May 2000 13:32:34 -0400

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (192 lines)

Here is the joke that was read by Tosh, Nancy, and Rachel during Inkshed 2000 talent night.  I don't know it's origin; I got it through email from a friend. 
- Tania Smith

> 
> The Soapy Soap Opera
> _________________________________________________________________
>     Below is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London
>     hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved
>     submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
> 
>     ---------------------
> 
>     Dear Maid,
> 
>     Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
>     bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove
>     the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest
>     and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
> 
>     Thank you,
>     S. Berman
> 
>     ---------------------
> 
>     Dear Room 635,
> 
>     I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
>     her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as
>     you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put
>     on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.
>     This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instruction from the
>     management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
> 
>     Kathy, Relief Maid
> 
>     ---------------------
> 
>     Dear Maid,
> 
>     I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you
>     about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got
>     back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to
>     the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the
>     hotel for two weeks and havebrought my own bath-size Dial so I won't
>     need those 6 little Camays which areon the shelf. They are in my way
>     when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
> 
>     S. Berman
> 
>     ---------------------
> 
>     Dear Mr. Berman,
> 
>     My day off was last Wednesday so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps
>     which we are instructed to do by the management. I took the 6 soaps
>     which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish
>     where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your
>     convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are
>     always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and
>     which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please
>     let me know if I can of further assistance.
> 
>     Your regular maid,
>     Dotty
> 
>     ---------------------
> 
>     Dear Mr. Berman,
> 
>     The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you
>     called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid
>     service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will
>     accept my apologies for any past inconvenince. If you have any future
>     complaints, please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.
>     Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
> 
>     Thank you,
>     Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
> 
>     ---------------------
> 
>     Dear Miss Carmen,
> 
>     It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
>     business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the
>     reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I
>     only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
>     bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a
>     new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my
>     medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the
>     bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars
>     of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
> 
>     S. Berman
> 
>     ---------------------
> 
>     Dear Mr. Berman,
> 
>     Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
>     room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
>     please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
> 
>     Thank you,
>     Elaine, Carmen, Housekeeper
> 
>     ---------------------
> 
>     Dear Mr. Kensedder,
> 
>     My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
>     including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to
>     call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
> 
>     S. Berman
> 
>     ---------------------
> 
>     Dear Mr. Berman,
> 
>     I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.
>     I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids
>     are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room.
>     The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my
>     apologies for the inconvenience.
> 
>     Martin L. Kenseder, Assistant Manager
> 
>     ---------------------
> 
>     Dear Mrs. Carmen,
> 
>     Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last
>     night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of
>     Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have
>     54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath-size Dial. Please give
>     me back my bath-size Dial.
> 
>     S. Berman
> 
>     ---------------------
> 
>     Dear Mr. Berman,
> 
>     You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed.
>     Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so
>     I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the
>     3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know
>     anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy,
>     did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays
>     plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this
>     hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory
>     which I left in your room.
> 
>     Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
> 
>     ---------------------
> 
>     Dear Mrs. Camen,
> 
>     Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
>     As of today I possess:
> 
>     -on shelf under medicine cabinet, 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1
>     stack of 2.
>     -on Kleenex dispenser, 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
>     -on bedroom dresser, 1 stack of 3 Cashmere bouquet, 1 stack of 4
>     hotel-size ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
>     -Inside medicine cabine, 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
>     -In shower soap dish, 6 camay, very moist.
>     -On northeast corner of tub, 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
>     -on northwest corner of tub, 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
> 
>     Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
>     neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more
>     than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window
>     sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap
>     deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized
>     Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further
>     misunderstandings.
> 
>     S. Berman

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   For the list archives and information about the organization,
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