(the following is
a text replica [where hyper-links don't work]
of the wwweb page [where hyper-links do work]
"http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/spagebw.htm")


if you are thinking about suicide... read this first

If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read
this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk
you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental
health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be
in pain.

I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only
know that for the moment, you are reading it, and that is good. I
can assume that you are here because you are troubled and
considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to
be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to
face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will
have to make do with this.

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so
I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you
might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this
short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have
five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I
won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I
assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask
you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that
you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about
whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel
that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about
dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this
minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even
while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants
to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more
minutes.

Start by considering this statement:

  “Suicide is not chosen; it happens
          when pain exceeds
    resources for coping with pain.”

That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak,
or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you
really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you
can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your
shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights...
no matter how much you want to remain standing. (That's why it's
useless for someone to say to you, "cheer up!" - of course you
would, if you could.)

Don’t accept it if someone tells you, "that’s not enough to
be suicidal about". There are many kinds of pain that may lead to
suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person
to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be
bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable
depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary
greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the
result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of
character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain
versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things:
(1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase
your coping resources. Both are possible.

Now I want to tell you five things to think about.

1  The first thing you need to hear is that people do get through
   this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now.
   Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going
   to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of
   hope.

2  The next thing I want to suggest to you is to give yourself
   some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I
   do anything". Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions
   are two different things - just because you feel like killing
   yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right
   this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings
   and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have
   already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You
   can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this
   page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel
   suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is
   very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

3  The third thing is this: people often turn to suicide because
   they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a
   feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not
   feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

4  The fourth thing is this: some people will react badly to your
   suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or
   angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping
   you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless
   things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are
   about their fears, not about you.

   But there are people out there who can be with you in this
   horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or
   send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly
   you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them.
   Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s
   going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try The
   Samaritans by phone or e-mail worldwide, or look in the front
   of your phone book for a crisis line), call a psychotherapist,
   carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who
   is likely to listen. But don’t give yourself the additional
   burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about
   how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the
   pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource
   you need to regain your balance.

5  The last thing I want you to know right now is this: Suicidal
   feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they
   subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is
   a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups
   available both in your community and on the Internet and
   various online services.

Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really
glad.

Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you
should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will
give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top
of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more
coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another
coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your
sources of pain.

Now, while this page may have given you some small relief,
the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to
talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them
how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have
increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person
you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there
who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around
for one of them.

                Now: I’d like you to call someone.

And while you’re at it, you can still stay with me for a bit. Check
out these sources of online help.

Additional things to read at this site:

* How serious is our condition? ...“he only took 15 pills, he
  wasn’t really serious...” if others are making you feel like
  you’re just trying to get attention... read this.

* Why is it so hard for us to recover from being suicidal?
  ...while most suicidal people recover and go on, others
  struggle with suicidal thoughts and feelings for months or even
  years. Suicide and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

* Recovery from grief and loss ...has anyone significant in your
  life recently died? You would be in good company... many
  suicidal people have recently suffered a loss.

* The stigma of suicide that prevents suicidal people from
  recovering: we are not only fighting our own pain, but the pain
  that others inflict on us... and that we ourselves add to.
  Stigma is a huge complicating factor in suicidal feelings.

Do you know someone who is suicidal... or would you like to be able
to help, if the situation arises? Learn what to do, so that you can
make the situation better, not worse.

* Handling a call from a suicidal person ...a very helpful
  ten-point list that you can print out and keep near your phone
  or computer.

* What can I do to help someone who may be suicidal? ...a helpful
  guide, includes Suicide Warning Signs.

Other online sources of help:

* The Samaritans - trained volunteers are available 24 hours a
  day to listen and provide emotional support. You can call a
  branch near you on the phone, or e-mail them. Confidential and
  non-judgmental. Short of writing to a psychotherapist, the best
  source of online help.

* Talk to a therapist online - this is a list of over 100
  psychotherapists and other professionally trained counselors
  who will interact with you via the Internet. Some can respond
  within 24-36 hours. Most charge a small fee but can be worth
  it. Be sure to read the background information.

* Newsgroup: alt.support.depression is a good source of peer
  support.

* Depression support mailing list: Walkers in Darkness - Please
  note: this is a very big list, but it is possible to find
  someone who will hear you and offer support.

* Suicide support mailing list - type “subscribe suicide-support
  your name” in the body of the message. Not an extremely active
  list, but might be helpful.

* Mental Health Net, as usual, has the best listing of online
  resources for suicide - as well as most other mental health
  challenges

* Still feel bad? These jokes might relieve the pressure for a
  minute or two.

* If you want help finding a human being to talk with in person,
  who can help you live through this, try reading this article
  about how to Choose a Competent Counselor.

Books that actually help, by people who get it:

* Out of the Nightmare: Recovery From Depression And Suicidal
  Pain, by David L. Conroy, PhD (New Liberty Press, 1991, ISBN
  1-879204-00-2). If this web page helped you a little, this book
  will help a lot. Dr. Conroy knows how to untangle the web of
  darkness. Recommended reading for every suicidal person,
  therapist, counselor, friends and families of suicidal persons,
  and those left behind by the suicide of a loved one. The book
  is quite comprehensive, but non-technical, and can be sampled
  in small doses.

* Suicide: The Forever Decision by Paul G. Quinnett, PhD
  (Continuum, 1989, $8.95, ISBN 0-8264-0391-3). Frank and helpful
  conversation with a therapist who cares.

* Choosing to Live: how to defeat suicide through cognitive
  therapy by Thomas E. Ellis PsyD and Cory F. Newman PhD (New
  Harbinger Publications, 1996, $12.95, ISBN 1-57224-056-3).
  Another conversational book with practical help for suicidal
  persons.

"http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/spagebw.htm"

janet paterson
53 now / 41 dx / 37 onset
613 256 8340 / PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada
visit my website "a new voice" at: "http://www.geocities.com/janet313/"