(from Camilla)Hi Jan--- yes, I read it, and it is a fine personal statement 
of the
importance of attitude in coping with disease--or anything else, for that
matter!  Would you be willing to share it on the list? On the PD website?
As for the kids' book, it sounds great--I hope you will let everyone know
when it is available.  There are now so many YOPDs with young kids, and
something to help them explain it is surely needed.

(From me to Camilla)Yes, it is about PD. It is called ""My Mommy  has PD - 
But It's Okay!"  It is
>written on a third grade reading level.  It was supposed to be published by
>now but she wants to start by printing 10,000 of them and is having
>difficulty finding someone to fund it.


Hi! I'm pretty new here but Camilla asked me to share some writing I did a 
while back so here goes::
                        The Path to Gratitude
                            By Jan Quist
    
    I am thankful that I have Parkinson's Disease!  I am saying this with a 
straight face!  I know…all Parkies have a straight face, but it is really the 
truth!  I certainly did not always feel this way.  The journey was long and 
arduous with many problems and doubts along the way.  But one day I took a 
detour and it changed my life forever.
    I was a 3rd grade teacher - a job I dearly loved.  I was married for 
twenty years with a teen-age son and life was good.  Then I noticed I had 
trouble reading to the kids at school- a task that they and I dearly loved.  
I used to dramatically use different voices for the characters and make 
climactic pauses…I was on stage, my audience was rapt and I was getting paid 
to have this fun!  Then suddenly I was reading like a freight train running 
off the track and they couldn't hear me as well.  I started getting cramps in 
my left foot when I was driving or "under stress" and all of a sudden, my 
handwriting was shrinking.  I started getting anxious and depressed.  I had 
the typical problems with diagnosis (or should I say "mis-diagnosis") and 
then started playing Psychiatrist/Tests/Doctor/Drugs Roulette - with me, 
feeling like the Roulette wheel - spinning around, going nowhere fast, 
without much pay-off!  For two years, I was puzzled by these mysterious 
symptoms, troubled by being unable to teach (or talk!) the way I had been 
able to before, frustrated by doctors who wouldn't really listen, or couldn't 
diagnose correctly, and in the meantime, drugged into a stupor in which I did 
not even recognize myself.  To say the least, I felt despair, anxiety about 
my career and family, frustration with the unending symptoms, and finally 
complete depression over the whole darn mess!
    One day I was writhing on the floor in pain and dyskinesia from 
over-doses of a drug prescribed to "help" me, I couldn't eat because my mouth 
had open sores from another medication, and I could barely talk well enough 
to even describe what was happening to me!  I was angry, confused, and 
desperate (known in 12-step plans as "hitting bottom").  I couldn't seem to 
control anything that was happening to me!  My son had always called me a 
"control freak"- (he was 16 at the time- need I say more?) - although I 
suspect there was more than a grain of truth in his accusation.   It was at 
this moment of despair when my life came together for me!
    I had been a daily reader of Sarah Ban Breathnach's book Simple Abundance 
and also tried to keep her daily Gratitude Journal.   It is actually funny to 
read back on it now.  First of all, I can't read my own writing, and 
secondly, I was so mixed-up, I didn't know what week it was half of the time 
much less what day and I kept repeating the same things, and I kept repeating 
the same things! 
    It was at a distinct moment that I tried the only thing that I had not 
yet tried…gratitude.  My father (a very wise man) and Sarah (after three 
years of reading her books, I was on a first name basis with her) along with 
the Bible, had all said, "Give thanks in all circumstances." ( I 
Thessalonians 5:18)   They couldn't have meant now…or could they?…
    I was so tired from not sleeping, had cried my tears dry, and my foot was 
cramping like crazy, but I dragged myself off the bed and got on my knees.  I 
held my head in my hands and said, "Okay, God.  I can't control what is 
happening to me.  I give up.  Take control, and lead me.  And…thank you for 
this disease."
    Two friends had referred me to a Dr. Michael Rezak, so the next morning, 
I tried calling his office.  The receptionist told me that his office was 
closed because they had too many patients.  I must have sounded pretty 
pathetic because she did let me speak to my new "angel", Sue the nurse.  
After a few minutes, Sue said, "You know what…we have had a cancellation for 
next Tuesday.  Why don't you stop in?"  A ray of hope…I somehow sensed 
something good about to happen.
    The principal at my school had the good sense to know that I should not 
drive alone or be trusted to relay my own symptoms accurately or even 
remember what they would tell me.   (Such confidence…but accurate!)  She 
designated a competent teacher/friend to go with me.  When the Dynamic Duo, 
Dr. Rezak and Sue Silvio, his nurse, ended our session by saying, " We want 
to put you in the hospital and take you off all of this medicine to hopefully 
find out what is really wrong with you.  We like puzzles around here!"…and 
Sue ended the session by saying,  "Don't leave yet - we also like hugs around 
here too!",  I knew I had been led to the right spot.  
    There was still quite a journey left to go, but this time it was a 
peaceful one.  The nine days in the hospital were a quiet reflective time of 
reading, praying, talking to friends and family, entertaining visitors, and 
enjoying the daily visit of my faithful parents.  A huge burden was taken off 
of my shoulders when I realized that I could take all of my sick days and 
just stay home to recover.  A fellow colleague and friend would take my class 
until I could return.  The administration at my school could not have been 
more understanding.
    And so, after twenty-some years of working, I had time to smell the 
roses, relax, read, take daily walks with my dogs, get massages from the most 
nurturing soul in the universe, and reflect on what was happening to me. 
    What was happening was not only a change in my body, but a change in my 
spirit, my attitude, and my entire view of the universe.  I had defined 
myself as a teacher for so long, and I now learned that I had value as a 
person outside of that realm.  I had tried to juggle so many balls at one 
time, to stay so busy, and be in control of myself and everyone around me 
that it took this illness to make me see that I have only control of my own 
attitude and reactions to what was happening to me.  Charles Swindoll has 
said, "The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  
We cannot change our past, the fact that people will act in a certain way, or 
the inevitable.  The only string we can play is our attitude.  I am convinced 
that life is 10% of what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it." 
    My pal, Sarah Ban Breathnach, (the author) talks about a wonderful 
Hasidic parable about the power of gratitude to change the course of our 
destiny in "a heartbeat, the speed, I imagine, it takes for a 'thank you' to 
reach Heaven's ears."  The parable goes like this:
    "Once times were tough. Two men - both poor farmers- were walking down a 
country lane and met their Rabbi.  "How is it for you?" he asked the first 
man.  "Lousy," he grumbled, bemoaning his lot and lack.  Terrible, hard, 
awful.  Life is not worth getting out of bed for."
    Now, God was eavesdropping on this conversation.  "Lousy?" the Almighty 
thought.  "You think your life is lousy now, you ungrateful lout?  I'll show 
you what lousy is!"
    Then the Rabbi turned to the second man.  "And you, my friend?"
    "Ah, Rabbi- life is good.  God is so gracious, so generous.  Each morning 
when I awaken, I'm grateful for the gift of another day, for I know, rain or 
shine, it will unfold in wonders too bountiful to count.  Life is good."
    God smiled as the second man's thanksgiving soared upwards until it 
became one with the harmony of the heavenly hosts.  Then the Almighty roared 
with delighted laughter.  "Good?  You think your life is good now?  I'll show 
you what good is!" 
    I feel like the "thank you" that I offered up in the depths of my despair 
was a gift of faith, trust, and hope.  And have the blessings flowed in my 
life!  I have a new, challenging job in the same school district as a 
Curriculum Coordinator.  I am able to work many hours at home, sometimes in 
the middle of the night when insomnia keeps me "perking".  I have had to find 
the courage to speak in front of my fellow teachers and found them smiling 
encouragement back at me.  I have begun to enjoy solitude and spending time 
with myself- I'm not a bad companion!  I appreciate every day that I can 
still be independent, still drive, or walk my dogs.  I enjoy daily "chats" 
with my 79-year-old mom who learned how to use a computer so she can e-mail 
her children.  (She is hard-of-hearing and I am "hard-of-talking!")  And I 
certainly do love and appreciate my family and friends - most of whom know 
when to humor me, leave me alone, tell me to "take a nap", or  when to just 
help.  Humor has played a large role in my attitude towards Parkinsons, and 
don't you know that when you fall over backwards while squatting down in a 
store, and all that your friend sees is your derriere in the air,  I 
sheepishly look around to see if anyone else saw me, accept Sue's "hand up" 
and then think, now THAT must have looked funny!

Sorry this was so long - if you are still with me that is---
Jan 
51/47/45?