cross-posted

hi all

my adopted cyber dad don wrote:

>Subject: HEART BY MY BABY
>From: "Donald F. McKinley"
>Date: Sat, 30 Mar 2002
>
>SHE WAS HEAR YESTERDAY TO C ME & TALK TO MOM. AFTER SHE LEFT MOM TOLD ME =
>THAT SHE DID NOT KNOW THE MAN HEAR. I WAS NOT HER SWEET LOVING DADDY. I =
>WAS A COMPLAINER & TALKED & SAID THINGS I NEVER DONE IN FRONT OF HER. =
>TOLD HER I GOT MAD AT A GUY HOW HE PARKED TO CLOSE TO ME TO UNLOAD MY =
>CART TOLD WHERE HE COULD PUT IT.  & OTHER THINGS.  IT HEART.  MOM BEEN =
>TELLING ME I AM MORE MR PD.  AM I?  SOMEBODY SAID DON'T PUT U R NAME =
>PHONE ON THE LIST SOME COMPLAIN WE SHOULD IDEBFI OUR SELF AS SO MUCH =
>SCAM,PAM GOING ON. SO IPUT EVERY THING ON SO U KNOW WHO SAID WHAT. I TRY =
>TO MAKE EVERY 1 HAPPY.  PLEASE 1 MAKE 2 MAD. I AM ME.  IF I GOT SOME =
>THING ON MY MIND WHY NOT SAY IT. I WON'T TALK OF MY MED'S & I DON'T =
>THINK I EVER SAID FOR ANY 1 TO TAKE THIS OR THAT. I CAN ONLY TELL U WHAT =
>I HAVE BEEN THROUGH & LEARNED.  LIKE DOES REPLY MEAN ONLY THAT ONE CAN =
>READ WHAT I SAY & REPLY TO ALL MEANS EVERY ONE CAN RED IT?  JUST IN MEAN =
>MOOD.  HAVE NOT SENT CARDS OUT FOR A COON AGE.  YESTERDAY JUST LOST =
>OTHER FRIEND  MONDAY IS FUNERAL.  CAN'T GO  FELL BAD OVET IT.  THATS 2 =
>IN A 1 WEEK. ME I SHOULD BE THE 1 OLDEST & WITH THIS DA-- SICKEST.  =
>GETTING MORE & MORE I JUST WANT TO SLEEP THE BIG ONE.  I TRY TO TELL U =
>ALL BE HAPPY U SAW TODAY. HARD IT IS.  DONE MY TIME WHIT THIS.  BY
>I.Y.Q

and then i translated:

Hurt by my younger daughter, Baby

She was here yesterday to see me and talk to Mom. After she left,
Mom told me that she did not know the man here. I was not her sweet
loving daddy. I was a complainer and talked and said things I had
never done in front of her. I told her that I got mad at a guy
who parked too close to me for me to unload my cart and I told him
where to put it, among other things. It hurt. Mom's been telling me
that I have been more Mr. PD. Am I? Someone said don't put your name
and phone number on the list. Some complain that we should identify
ourselves since there are so many scams and spams going on. So I
put everything on so you know who said what. I try to make everyone
happy. If I please one, I make two others mad. I am me. If I've got
something on my mind, why not say it. I won't talk about my meds,
and I don't think I've ever said for anyone to take this or that.
I can only tell you what I've been through and learned. Like, does
"Reply:" mean that only one can read what I say and "Reply to all:"
mean that everyone can read it? I'm just in a mean mood. I have
not sent any cards out in a coon's age. Yesterday I just lost another
friend. The funeral is on Monday. I can't go. I feel bad about it.
That's two in one week. Why not me? I should be the one, being the
oldest and having this da__ sickness. I'm getting more and more
where I just want to sleep the big one. I try to tell you all
to be happy, you saw today how hard it is. I've done my time with
this. Bye.
IYQ

and then I replied:

>She was here yesterday to see me and talk to Mom.
>After she left, Mom told me that she did not know
>the man here. I was not her sweet loving daddy. I
>was a complainer and talked and said things I had
>never done in front of her. I told her that I got
>mad at a guy who parked too close to me for me to
>unload my cart and I told him where to put it,
>among other things. It hurt. Mom's been telling
>me that I have been more Mr. PD. Am I? ...

since they get to see you all the time, they may know better than me
but if you got mad and swore at someone,
which is not like you normally,
you might be showing signs of frustration about something.

>Someone said don't put your name and phone number
>on the list. Some complain that we should identify
>ourselves since there are so many scams and spams
>going on ...

i have suggested that phone numbers are more reliable
than internet identities or e-mail names as indicating
a real flesh and blood person behind the typed words.
i have been scammed more than a few times by 'pseudo' identities,
but that's just my experience.

>So I put everything on so you know who said what.
>I try to make everyone happy. If I please one, I
>make two others mad ...

you need to do what you feel is best for you.
not what will "make" anyone else happy,
or will "make" anyone else complain.

nothing you do will cause their happiness or unhappiness,
they "make" it themselves by how they choose to react to you.

>I am me. If I've got something on my mind,
>why not say it ...

why not indeed!
and here you are doing just that! yowsa!

>I won't talk about my meds, and I don't think
>I've ever said for anyone to take this or that.
>I can only tell you what I've been through and
>learned ...

again
which is what you are doing right now by sharing your hurt with us -
something that so many of us have so much trouble doing
- you are the demo king!

>Like, does "Reply:" mean that only one can read
>what I say and "Reply to all:" mean that everyone
>can read it?  ...

"reply" means your reply goes to that name

if the name is mine
then your reply goes only to me

if that name is the list's name
then your reply goes to the whole list

"reply to all" means your reply goes to the original name
plus anyone else that got a copy of the message

but it's nothing to "get your knickers in a twist" about;
every e-mail software program has its own little idiosyncracies

as far as i am concerned
this group is all about sharing
so the more who hear about your message, the merrier!

>I'm just in a mean mood. I have not sent any
>cards out in a coon's age. Yesterday I just
>lost another friend. The funeral is on Monday.
>I can't go. I feel bad about it. That's two in
>one week ...

aha!
now we come to the crux of the matter!
no wonder you are feeling a tad mean!
it's only natural -
losing two friends in one week like that
would make anyone feel devastated
especially if you can't go the funeral
and mourn "officially" to help you deal with it

>Why not me? I should be the one, being the
>oldest and having this da__ sickness. I'm
>getting more and more where I just want to
>sleep the big one ...

i am not surprised that depression has got its hooks in to you.
have you tried explaining this to Baby? or to Vivian?
about how you feel about your friends?

that hurt and loss has
nothing to do with PD or being Mr. PD -

but it's got
everything to to with your being a human bean
and a sensitive one at that

you know in your heart
that the hurt is temporary and will ease with time
but not if it's shoved under the carpet to fester

>I try to tell you all to be happy, you saw
>today how hard it is. I've done my time with
>this. Bye. ...

oh cyberdad
my heart aches for you and your loss

you know that your friends are at peace
and in the very best company there is now

but that does not ease the grief that you are feeling

experiencing grief and working through it
means going through five stages:
1. denial - you probably did this already when you heard the news
2. anger - this was probably your "cart incident"
3. bargaining - i think that's where you are now - "why not me?"
4. depression - and you are probably here now as well
5. acceptance - still to come

we all need to go through these stages
in our own way and at our own speed

>IYQ

i like you too
a whole lot!

and i thank you for sharing this
( i happened to check the "sparkle" list
and am i ever glad i did!)

writing this to you has been good for me
i hope it has been of some help to you

by the way
here is your web site address
for anyone who wants to know who the heck you are:

Don "CyberDad" McKinley, A Parkinson's Hero:
http://www.geocities.com/doncyberdadmckinley/


love

sis

aka


janet paterson: an akinetic rigid subtype, albeit perky, parky
pd: 55/41/37 cd: 55/44/43 tel: 613 256 8340 email: [log in to unmask]
smail: 375 Country Street, Almonte, Ontario, Canada, K0A 1A0
a new voice: http://www.geocities.com/janet313/

----------------------------------------------------------------------
To sign-off Parkinsn send a message to: mailto:[log in to unmask]
In the body of the message put: signoff parkinsn