JoAnn wrote:  tell friends "I'd be glad to let you walk in my shoes for a
few days - then you can see for yourself."  What a great response!  I'm
going to file that one in my memory banks and use it sometime.  I have found
that the "friends" who make the types of remarks you refer to are really
clueless about PD, frightened by it, and really don't want to know anything
because they don't want to get too close too it.  I call these people "well
intentioned friends who just get in the way "  Why can't people just learn
to speak the truth in love and say something like, "wow, that really stinks.
What a lousy thing to have happen.  How are you handling it?  Tell me what
it's like?"   Why is it that people feel they have to solve other people's
problems or else ignore them rather than just meeting the person where they
are, validating their feelings and listening and just being there.  Once you
really meet someone where they are and let then know what a crappy situation
it really is, (because it is!) then you can earn the right to help them deal
with their situation if that is what they need.  But if it makes you feel
any better, Rita, this problem exists with any type of crisis situation, not
just PD.  My oldest son was born premature at 29 weeks.  He had an
intra-ventricular hemorrhage at birth, and developed hydrocephalus as a
result of the bleed.  He had a VP shunt put in place at 2 months old.  Due
to malfunctions, he had 4 revisions during the next year and has had 10, or
is it 11 (I lose count) more revisions in the 16 years since that first
year.  What a learing situation about human nature that experience has
been!!  LOTS of well intentioned people who really got in the way with
careless comments like, "now, whatever happens you just have to accept it",
"now why are you angry?"  "where is your faith?"  or how about this one,
"don't get upset, you have to be the strong one".  Now I hear those same
comments when I happen to have a bad parky day and I try to be honest about
how I'm feeling.  Over the years I have learned to just smile and say to
myself,  "God forgive them, they really have no clue what they're saying."
I'll probably continue to say that to myself, but if I can get up the nerve,
I might look back at them and say "I'd be glad to let you walk in my shoes
for a few days - then maybe you can see for yourself."  What a priceless
quote!!  Thanks for sharing!
Debra

PS:  My son is doing wonderful!!  We have been greatly blessed!!
----- Original Message -----
From: "Jo Ann Coen" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, April 21, 2002 4:18 PM
Subject: Re: How do you tactfully handle this situation?


> Rita - I'm sorry you are having to go throughtwhat some people think are
> meaningful questions and/or statements.  The only thing I can come up
> with for a reatliation, is for you to say, "I'll be glad to let you walk
> in my shoes for a few days.  Then you can see for yourself."  Smile
> sweetly while saying it, and you may be able to retain a good friend
> whilestill putting them in their place.  Good luck.  Jo Ann.
>
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