hi all

on 05-27-2002 04:43 PM, after the dust settled on yet another
bitter "kerfuffle", this time in the mgh pd forum, chosh wrote:

>------------------
> I started this as a new thread because I
> don't know anymore where it belongs in the
> scheme of events and posts of the last couple
> of days, just as I don’t know  where I belong
> here either. As this latest chapter of chaos
> seems to be drawing to a close I have been
> reflecting on its consequences from a personal
> perspective and considering options.
>
> Posting here does not come easily to me and I
> usually review  the wording of each post several
> times to make sure that I am not inadvertently
> implying what I don't mean, blaming or criticizing
> in a personal way. I am generally a "rule follower"
> and I try not to get involved in controversy that
> doesn't really wrench my gut. When I do post it is
> usually because I've been mulling a subject over
> in my mind for a long time and/or because I feel
> really strongly about it.
>
> This was one of the first sites I came to get
> information about PD. I found support and
> friendship here and in the chatroom. I still
> like it here. Initially I was surprised at the
> occasional feuds and disruptions here but learned
> that they were part of on-line life and although
> I didn't like it, I just steered clear if I
> could. Sometimes I was able to laugh at the
> silliness of it all. Certain posts and posters
> have always worried me because of their intensity
> and depth of hatred and anger towards others.
> That these posters seemed to be forgiven time
> and time again was a testimony to the other
> kinder hearts on the site, I thought, or to the
> fact that someone knew something I didn’t.
>
> As someone who worked in a mental health and
> educational setting before having to retire, I
> thought I recognized and empathized with what
> I was observing. With growing concern for over
> two years I have watched as one situation seemed
> to escalate and become more and more hateful and
> personal. I figured that someone would
> eventually do what needed to be done and, at
> least temporarily remove the offending party
> from the scene of the crime until help was sought.
> But that never happened. Over and over the cycle
> recurred, with ever increasing hateful insults
> targeted at individuals, followed by pseudo-
> apologies that were as filled with as much innuendo
> as the original posts. When forced by public
> opinion to terminate, the debate was usually
> carried to other forums with many negative
> references to the “nasty people” on the originating
> forum. I have never understood how or why this
> poster has become an exception to every rule that
> is posted here.
>
> We are not ensured a safe environment on this site,
> nor can we promise one to new posters. Celebrating
> individual or communal success almost ensures that
> you will become a target. That really disturbs me.
>
> This post has also not come any more easily than
> others but I am totally fed-up with watching this
> continuing drama sap the energy and life from people
> with no resolution. I always thought I was too much
> of a “newbie” to comment but now realize that over
> time and progression of PD, I have become part of
> the alumni here. I may soon be past alumni, I'm
>afraid.

------------------
and then (05-27-2002 08:19 PM)
i posted the following reply:

a similar pall has been hanging over the PARKINSN
listserv for a couple of years.

personal attacks are supposedly prohibited;
freedom of expression supposedly encouraged;
but i'm afraid the rules are mostly lip-service.

in those rare instances when 'management' has stepped in,
their actions have been, imho, either way too late,
or have been cloaked in secrecy. which i think is a real mistake.

secrecy is the last thing needed to change bully behaviour -
justice has to not only be done, but has to be seen to be done,
so that potential bully-ers are officially put on notice,
and so that past and future bully-ees can take some succour in vindication
and not lose that precious and ethereal feeling of safety
so essential to real openness.

it is the essence of a 'support group'

can you imagine sitting around in a circle of three dimensional people
with the same 'conversations' taking place?

the anonymity of the web
is neither a negative or a positive in and of itself -
it is just a new means of communication
which can be transformed into a miracle or a menace
by guess who? - us human beans -

if we are on this planet specifically to learn
how to care for each other and for ourselves, as i fully believe,
the internet is simply another learning tool for us to graduate from.

support groups are a relatively new concept -
we have a lot to learn in that area alone,
regardless of the medium they use.

support groups mean sharing emotions -
we have a lot to learn in that area too.

many of us think (have been brainwashed to think)
that sharing emotion is 'weakness', that by opening up to others,
we make ourselves vulnerable and hand over 'control' to the others.

all of that learning and work and growth
cannot evolve in an atmosphere of attack and intimidation.

it's like expecting us to live and breathe underwater -
it's not necessarily anyone's 'fault' but it is an illogical concept
and thus probably doomed to failure.

i recently posted a news article about an on-line support group,
and the moderators were very specific about setting
and enforcing the rules from day one.

thanks, chosh, it's great to read you.
i think this qualifies as a miracle session rather than a menace.
makes a change, donut?

janet

------------------

http://neuro-mancer.mgh.harvard.edu/ubb/Forum71/HTML/006312.html

janet paterson: an akinetic rigid subtype, albeit primarily perky, parky
pd: 55/41/37 cd: 55/44/43 tel: 613 256 8340 email: [log in to unmask]
smail: 375 Country Street, Almonte, Ontario, Canada, K0A 1A0
a new voice website: http://www.geocities.com/janet313/

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