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    1998/04/02 Re: An Urgent Request for Help!
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    hi all

    someone wrote, in part:
    > I am asking, on behalf of a friend (I'll
    > call her "A"),for a mutual friend I'll
    > call her "B", for your help. "B" tried to
    > commit suicide twice last week. Neither
    > attempt was a 'cry for help'. She truly
    > meant to die... She is now hospitalized but
    > it is very likely she will be released
    > tomorrow. "A" visited her yesterday and is
    > convinced that if "B", is released, she will
    > kill herself. "B" was diagnosed several years
    > ago with PD. She had to retire from teaching
    > earlier this year. Her husband was recently
    > diagnosed with leukemia. She is having a great
    > deal of difficulty adjusting her pd medications
    > and (on her own) the week previous to her
    > suicide attempts had lowered her sinemet and
    > her anti-depressant.
    > So, what I'm asking for is a letter ... a
    > paragraph...as much or as little as you feel
    > able to write.. from those of our members who
    > have battled and won and/or are still battling
    > depression to encourage "B" to see that there
    > is hope. That life is worth living even if it
    > means living with PD. Please send them to me
    > rather than the list (if you wish to) and let me
    > know if you want to remain anonymous. I will
    > print the letters and "A" will deliver them to
    > "B" tonight or tomorrow morning. If any members,
    > especially from the Southern Ontario region, are
    > willing to talk to "B" on the phone or in person,
    > please let me know.
    > I know this is a lot to ask of you and with
    > little time to act but "B"s situation is
    > desparate ...

    hi 'B'

    i have swamped barb [and now you]
    with copies of several pages of messages
    which i have e-mailed to the parkinson list over the past year

    i didn't do this for barb or for any pats on the back
    i did this for you

    why on earth would i do something for a total stranger?
    simple
    you are not a stranger at all

    anyone who is in clinical depression is
    my sister-in-slime
    always has been
    always will be

    if i can get through it
    so can you
    but you cannot do it by yourself
    [and i can't afford the long distance phonecall !]
    so i want you to read all those other pages i've sent

    your emotional and rational perceptions have been been distorted
    by an imbalance in your brain chemistry
    just as your physical motor responses have been affected
    by an imbalance in your brain chemistry

    trying to consider your situation rationally now
    with your thought processes distorted as they are
    is impossible
    so you'll just have to trust me on this one
    and start reading

    why should you trust me?
    for the same reason i'm sending all this to you

    anyone who is in clinical depression is
    my sister-in-slime
    always has been
    always will be

    with much love for you and yours

    your cyber-sis

    janet

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    1998/04/05 Re: An Urgent Request for Help / Thank you all
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    hi all

    someone wrote, in part:
    > Again, this group of people has responded
    > amazingly to a request for help. Within 15
    > minutes from the time I posted my request for
    > help for "B", the first of about 40 messages
    > arrived. Many of them from people who had been
    > where "B" was...in despair. The messages were
    > powerful, open, caring and full of support and
    > prayers. What a truly wonderful group of people
    > you are. On Friday, "A" came to pick up the
    > messages which I had printed for "B". On
    > Friday evening, "A" phoned to tell me that "B",
    > Bev, had walked out of the hospital at 10:00 am
    > and hadn't been seen since. The police were
    > called and searched for her. The local newspaper
    > published her photo and asked for help in
    > locating her. A private helicopter joined the
    > search until it was called off because of
    > darkness. "A" joined the search this morning
    > at 8:00 am and heard that Bev's body had been
    > found washed up on the beach near the hospital.
    > So, we lost. We all lost. But mostly her husband
    > and her family and friends and Bev, herself.
    > She was 56 and had recently retired from teaching
    > school because of Parkinson's. Her husband had
    > retired from his position as mayor of the city
    > of B... , Ontario (near where I live) because
    > of leukemia.... now, he'll face his battle
    > with leukemia alone with the added burdens
    > of grief and guilt. Besides being saddened
    > by the loss of Bev, I'm angry. Really angry.
    > I'm angry at Parkinson's for taking the
    > joy out of her life. I'm angry at the hospital
    > for not keeping her safe. I'm angry at a health
    > care system that has been cut back to the bare
    > bones and beyond to the point where it was
    > absolutely useless to Bev. And I'm angry at
    > Bev for not realizing the pain she would cause
    > by taking the ultimate selfish step of taking
    > her own life. What's next? What would be the
    > most useful or effective thing to do? Work
    > towards publicizing the horrors of clinical
    > depression? Work towards improving the health
    > care system? Supporting each other when cd
    > strikes (or does it just insiduously sneak
    > into our brains?)? Or vow that we will NEVER,
    > NEVER hurt our families and friends by taking
    > ourselves away from them and making them suffer
    > for the rest of their lives? Again, thank you
    > to the wonderful people who tried to help ...

    oh, barb,

    i'm so sorry to hear about bev
    i'm sorry for the loss and pain felt by her family and friends

    i truly believe that
    we are each here for a unique purpose

    maybe this was part of bev's:
    > this group of people has responded amazingly...
    > messages were powerful, open, caring and full of support...
    > What a truly wonderful group of people you are...

    the biggest lie that is perpetrated throughout our society
    is that we 'should' be and 'are entitled to' be
    happy and comfortable all the time

    i believe that we are here to learn;
    sometimes learning is easy
    sometimes learning is hard
    sometimes it is painful

    while we can try to stop learning and just stagnate in fear
    we cannot stop the lessons being handed to us

    and this is one of them
    which we are all lucky enough
    to be able to share as a cyber-family

    > We all lost ...

    no
    we haven't lost
    we have experienced pain
    without that knowledge we couldn't experience joy
    we would be robots

    the only way any of us could 'lose' by bev's passing
    is if we don't learn from it

    > what would be the most useful or
    > effective thing to do? ...

    the healthcare system didn't take bev
    pd didn't take bev
    cd didn't either
    not directly

    the simplistic thinking that perpetrates the concepts
    emotionality = weakness
    rationality = strength
    did

    the ridiculous cloak of toxic shame surrounding
    any expression of pain and grief
    did

    none of us
    needs to feel shame about our humanity

    with love

    janet

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