wailing at the western wall?

hi all

perry wrote, in part:

> I am sure you are aware that there is a place
> in Jerusalem called the "wailing wall" and as
> I typed this I started crying profusely as
> I realized that I visited the wailing wall
> in December, 1995, just a few weeks prior
> to my first noticable symptoms of PD ...

> the wailing wall is the holiest place for
> the Jewish religion, belived to be the
> remaining wall of the Temple in Jerusalem,
> and many Jews and non-Jews go there to pray.
> I didnt believe much in religion at the time
> but I prayed for world peace or something ...

while thinking about perry's words,
i realized that i didn't know much of anything
about the wailing wall and so i hived off
to check it out:

-----------------------
The Temple: second of two ancient Jewish temples in Jerusalem;
completed in 515 BC; rebuilt and enlarged by Herod the Great
from 20 BC; it was the Temple standing in Jesus' time. It was
destroyed by the Romans in 70 AD, during a Jewish revolt; all
that remains is the Wailing Wall.

Wailing Wall: (also called Western Wall) an ancient wall in
Jerusalem sacred to both Jews and Muslims. The wall is the sole
remaining part of the Temple, the rest of which was destroyed in
70 AD; Jews traditionally lament the destruction of the Temple
and pray for its restoration. Since the 7th century the wall has
formed the western wall of the sanctuary enclosing the Dome of
the Rock and other buildings, the third most holy place to
Muslims after Mecca and Medina.
-----------------------

hmmm ... more www's and mmm's!

> In the meantime I am still crying (which
> in a typical masculine fashion I NEVER do) ...

it's good to break out
of the brainwashing and stereotyping
we've all been saddled with

tears are healing

> I have said many times that my initials
> are PD and I believe I trained for 50 years
> for my calling in life to rid the world
> of PD. I am not alone in this calling ...

i know you aren't!
i've got it too!
although i don't feel the need to rid the world of pd
i feel the need to rid the world of ignorance about pd

> There are many of us out there ...

you betcha!

> Jim Cordy, the General in the small army
> that passed the Udall Act to put us on the
> map politically, recently told me he has
> had many uncanny "coincidences" that have
> enabled him to be successful for our cause ...
> I have lost track of the many fortunate
> connections I have made to help our cause ...

canny coincidences and connections
(ono! ccc's!)
are god's way of remaining anonymous

they are pure grace through and through
reminding us that this physical world of physics
is not all there is

> It wasn't until now that I understood that
> it all started for me at the wailing wall
> (there I go again)...

i have heard that pd makes us more liable (labile?) to tears;
many of us can tear up at sappy puppy
pet food commercials!

> I got something there that I didnt pray for ...
> I didnt plan it the way it came out, but
> I know I am on to something when it flows
> the way that did. There's a lot of soul
> in them northern Kentucky hills ...

egg-zackly!

soul
or spirit
or inspiration ...
this is what i've been sayin since 1995!

when thoughts flow out
which is what happens to me virtually every time i write
it means that inspiration has taken hold
which to me simply means more grace
one more time

and then greg wrote, in part:

> I was most caught by Perry's description of
> his experience at the wailing wall and,
> more importantly, his reaction as he typed
> in his thoughts about the fact of his symptoms
> beginning at about the same time. I envy the
> ability to cry. I envy the ability to let
> out big, heaving, sobs. I used to cry a
> lot after my diagnosis, and I welcomed it
> and considered it to be a positive aspect
> of the disease. I would cry at happy endings
> and good news just as often as I would
> weep when I heard or saw things that
> held sorrow or great pain ...

this sounds like the lability (liability?)
that i mentioned above, but ...

> Now it seems that I have somehow gone back
> to operating from what Perry so correctly
> described as an attribute of manhood --
> the compartmentalization and denial of
> emotion ... I have shut myself off from
> those emotions and can describe my fate
> without even feeling much emotion. I
> am a guy. I am on a mission. There's
> no room for tears ... I wonder why men
> tell themselves such lies. We as men
> do ourselves a disservice when we close
> ourselves off to emotion. I hope that
> my emotional responsiveness returns
> soon. I miss it ...

it's a good thing that you miss it
it's not a good thing to be missing!

i'm thinking there might be a brain chemical component here,
since this strikes me as a distinctive change
from your more 'normal' response

can you define when this change occurred?
as in when was the last time you found yourself weeping?

> Perry's description of his feeling
> that he was born to do the PD work
> that he is doing so well also resonated
> with me. I know for a stone cold fact
> that if you chopped off the first 49
> years of my life, you wouldn't be
> missing much of the contribution I
> made to others in the 51 years I've
> been alive ...

yup
me too!
i was very busy busy busy
and pd was grace's way of smacking me upside the head
(using the means at hand to catch my attention!) and saying
"hey you! slow down and think about what is truly meaningful to you"

> It's such a weird world. I was telling
> AJ just yesterday that even now, as
> my symptoms make it nearly impossible
> to type, my off times exceed my on
> times, and ordinary things become
> extraordinarily difficult, that I
> still have this disease to thank for
> giving me the opportunity to do
> something other than occupy space
> on the planet ...

you have this disease to thank? ...
maybe
but maybe also
you have grace to thank
for giving you the insight to see your disease
for what it might give you instead of
for what it might take away

that's what i call
the gift

> You know, it's not a fun life anymore.
> Not that I don't have good times,
> because I laugh often and am blessed
> with a near-perfect partner for me.
> I have friends, good friends, close
> friends. But I can barely remember
> what it was like not to struggle
> through a day. The window of memory
> into feelings of energy, vibrancy,
> the endorphins kicking in after strong
> physical exercise or effort,waking up
> and wondering with anticipation and
> eagerness what the new day would hold ...

things have changed no doubt about it
but they would have anyway without pd;
we are here to change and grow and learn

i can't think of anything more exciting
i open my eyes in eager anticipation and gratitude every day

> Days without pain. Days without dropping
> every other thing that I pick up. Days
> without shuffling, days without forgetting,
> days without losing a bit of my life.
> Days without end. Perhaps forgetting
> what it was like to have those days,
> to expect those days as if it was a
> right that I was born with, perhaps
> forgetting those things is for the
> best. Until the cure. Until the cure.
> Because it is coming. And what makes
> all of this misery worth it will be
> to be able to look back and say I
> played some small part in it. I moved
> the ball down the field a bit ...

maybe moving the ball isn't the core of the lesson
maybe learning to see 'all of this misery'
as 'worth it'
is

> Again Perry. Yes, coincidences and
> connections. It seems like the last
> few years have been one big series
> of doors opening and opportunities
> presenting themselves. And I know
> this is a byproduct of my PD as well ...

once grace is given a teensy weensy inch ...

> Because PD brought about a change
> in the way that I look at life.
> it's hardly fame or success, but
> it has been opportunity. And for
> some reason, and this is a common
> thread among so many of us, Parkinson's
> has changed so much of the way I
> look at life. And the difference
> in perspective makes all the
> difference ...

yowsa!
this is what i'm sayin!

> So I hope that as my disease,
> our disease, continues to chip
> away at the ease of life and increases
> the dis-ease of life, that I will
> continue to see doors open and
> opportunity knocking ...

no doubt about it!

> Because as long as I have faith,
> as long as I have hope, then I
> have strength where before I was
> weak. I have confidence where
> before I had been timid. I have
> love to give and to receive where
> before I had none ...

yup!
and it is
eternally guaranteed!

much love

janet


----------
perhaps my best years are gone ...
but i wouldn't want them back.
not with the fire that's in me now.

samuel beckett
----------

janet paterson: an akinetic rigid subtype, albeit primarily perky, parky
pd: 56-41-37 cd: 56-44-43 tel: 613-256-8340 email: [log in to unmask]
my newsletter: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/newvoicenews/
my website: http://www.geocities.com/janet313/

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