Patti,
Many of us need a forum perhaps to discuss our relationships with adult children.....

However, reading your post today forces me to respond to your concerns re: weight.  Had we known then what we know now I would not have been silent 5 years ago.

We have a family member who had gastric bypass 4 years ago, because insurance would pay for it and the family member was 80 lbs overweight and had struggled with weight issues for years.  The weight came off following bypass....and has stayed off.  HOWEVER...what we did not know at that time is the high percentage of post-bypass patients who develop alcohol addiction (this is estimated between 17 and 34% at the five year mark).  The rehab facility our family member attended had 30 beds, 10 were post gastric bypass.  

The alcohol addiction is seldom reported in the Gastroenterology areas because the addiction occurs AFTER the time the patient is still seen by the GI specialist who performed the surgery.   Counseling is required by most insurance prior to surgery but it is easy to stonewall and self-construct the issues/concerns with a therapist.  It is one thing to say I will never have another drink of alcohol in my life....it is another thing to live with that decision.  We had NO concern prior to the surgery that this family member would/could have an alcohol addiction problem.

Alcohol addiction is believed to occur for two reasons:  Psychological.....person has not faced issues causing obesity in the first place and they do not recognize who they are as a slender person (affects the way people react to them as well as the way the react to themselves).

Physical reason for the addiction:  Person still craves carbs; with bypass cannot eat enough carbs to satisfy craving.......liquid is easier to consume more, stomach empties, more room, more liquid.  Because of smaller stomach the alcohol reaches intestine in less digestive time......the alcohol molecule is slightly different than if it were digested in the stomach longer, bypasses segment of small intestine, enters bloodstream and brain and triggers the addiction center........the "high" that a gastric bypass patient has from alcohol is faster and higher than what they experienced prior to bypass.

If you are interested in more info........do a web search using "gastric bypass alcohol addiction".  Oprah had a show a couple of years ago addressing this issue.  The addiction center our family member attended lists two medical conditions as alcohol/rx drug triggers:  gastric bypass and back surgery (more easily understood because of chronic pain and need to medicate).  They have seen a growing number of post gastric bypass patients in recent years as the number of those surgeries has dramatically increased with 'improved' insurance coverage for the procedures (as well as media attention to the procedures).

We have learned of many other patients with this problem since our family member is in recovery......please carefully examine and be alert to changes if any friend or family member is or has considered gastric bypass.  Changing one life long problem for another can sometimes only compound the problems.

Sincerely,
Rita Weeks






-----Original Message-----
From: PATTI ZAPF <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Sun, Jan 17, 2010 11:59 pm
Subject: advice needed for our daughter


  I need help and prayed for guidance and here i find myself writing  
o all of you for advice.
Our 24 year old, gorgeous daughter, has become obese over the last 4  
ears.
he has had wellness check ups and all results were normal.
he has never struggled with her weight before, until she got out on  
er on, attended college (not the one of her dreams), met her husband,  
nd has little financial support from her dad and i, as we pretended  
o be able to bring her what she hoped for. We did pay for a lovely  
fternoon wedding, but her university schooling has been mostly paid  
or with her own grants, loans, and scholarships.
You see, our daughter is very smart . She wants to earn a good salary,  
nd she has figured getting a degree as an cpa accountant will bring  
er that. In the meantime, her young husband had to pay for his way  
nto school too, just graduated with a 4 year degree, and has big  
tudent loans of his own, that now need to be paid off, and he is  
orking towards that goal.  Her husband is a hard worker and wants to  
e able to provide for her.  He is a physical trainer at a nice health  
lub and is able to work out with our daughter, a couple of times a  
eek there.  These two are both 24 years young and married almost 2  
ears.
Her dad and i really have had blinders on when it comes to running out  
f money,.  In our younger years of raising our daughter and son, we  
retended not to be concerned about running out of money, not thinking  
hat a disease like Parkinsons' would be so disabling, until we are  
here we are now, and realize the Parkinson's has not only cost us not  
nly alot of money, but also has caused us to be less than great  
arents.
Our daughter is our first child together (my husband has 3 older  
iblings).  She has been the spot light of our life until her brother  
ame along and stole some of that light.  She feels that i favor our  
on, which i hope not to be doing, but fear sometimes it comes across  
ike that, altho not intentionally.
Her dad, myself, and our daughter have all gone to a counselor and  
iscussed her issues at different appointments.  We have offered to  
ay for her to see a doctor that maybe could help her gain control of  
er weight, but she is now highly offended.  Originally, when we  
iscussed this with our daughter three years ago, she asked if we  
hought she was depressed, and we said no we didn't and left it at  
hat.  I thought oh no, a doctor would prescribe an anti-depressant  
edication as a quick fix.
Our daughter does not appear to be really happy.  When she talks about  
ome things she uses terms like hate and makes negative comments.  She  
s incredibly talented in the arts and has a strong head on her  
houlders. Her New York school she dreamed of attending after high  
chool, fell out of reach, due to our finances.
I wish we could give her the financial support we raised her believing  
ould be there for her, make her feel better about herself, help her  
ose the 100 lbs she needs to, and life would be focused on her many  
onderful talents.  Her weight scares me, because i know bad things  
an happen from excess fat and so, i fear.  She had an injured knee  
rom a car accident 3 years ago, while her husband was driving, that  
till hurts her too.
I have read many good bits of advice from several of you on different  
ssues, so what would you advise to help our dear daughter?  thank you  
or sharing your thoughts.
patti cg 16
On Jan 16, 2010, at 12:59 PM, rayilynlee wrote:
> I've had an unusual situation.  Last week I had arranged for help  
 from a local agency when my neighbor, Teresa, a widow, came to see  
 me because she had gotten my Cox bill by mistake.  I don't really  
 know her too well as we met at the local WaMu bank where she was a  
 bank officer who realized we were neighbors.  Since retiring a  
 couple of years ago she has spent a good amount of time in her  
 native Bolivia.   Anyway, she wanted the job when I told her I was  
 in the process of changing my help.  This could be a plus for us  
 both - I would have help close by and she wouldn't have to drive to  
 part-time work.  Also it would be a lot cheaper for me.  Her  
 daughter who has 3  kids is in process of divorce and going back to  
 school to become a nurse needs money and will most likely do the  
 heavy cleaning and cut my hair.  Sure hope it works out.

 Kathy took it well and I think she realized that never knowing when  
 she was coming to work was not acceptable long term.  The agency was  
 nice too.

 Many thanks to all of you who offered advice and comments.  You gave  
 me the support and spunk I needed to make this change.

 Ray

 Rayilyn Brown
 Past Director AZNPF
 Arizona Chapter National Parkinson Foundation

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