You may try sending him this message a million times or so (jam his mail tool):
 
 
"Beam me aboard, Scotty!" <-> "Will a 2 X 4 do, Captain?"
"Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?"
"Artist seeks Boss with vision impairment."
"Happiness is a warm puppy", said the anaconda.
"Nietzsche is dead." --God.
<-------- The information went data way -------->
<tap> <tap> <tap> Is this thing on?
2 rules to success in life. 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
90% of everything is crud. The remainder is outright shit.
A hangover:  the wrath of grapes.
A Shower is the halfway point between Bed and World.
A good pun is its own reword.
A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed.
A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act them out.
A good hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium?
A)bort R)etry I)nfluence with large hammer.
Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
Absence makes the heart grow fungus. (The Barenaked Ladies)
After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible.
After all is said and done, usually more is said.
All wiyht.  Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
Any man who can see through women is sure missing a lot.
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry up is not nailed down.
Apathy Error:  Don't bother striking any key.
Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
As they say in Beirut, Shiite happens.
Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
Backups?  We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER
Bad command or file name.  Go stand in the corner.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Best diet: Eat as much as you want, but don't swallow it.
Blessed are the censors; they shall inhibit the earth.
Boy:  A noise with dirt on it.
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways.
California raisins murdered! Cereal killer suspected.
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction.
Cleanliness is next to clean-limbed, in the dictionary.
Click...click...click...damn, out of new taglines.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Commit suicide. A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Does Time pass? Yes, it does. How else can you explain Visa bills?
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Don't you hate it when life doesn't follow the manuals?
Don't judge a book by its mini-series.
Don't shoot! I'm only the YAMAHA PSR-90 player.
Down with categorical imperatives.
Dynamic linking error: Your mistake is now everywhere.
Earth was interesting, and worth the money I paid for it.
Eleven tons of hair stolen. Police combing area.
Finger me, I have a .plan...
God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
I know I have a purpose because I always seem to need deodorant.
I went to the Net and all I got was this stupid tagline.
I hate laundry month.
I am a .signature, and I want to be your friend
I disclaim my disclaimer!
I do a lot of thinking in the john. Says a lot for my thoughts.
If laws were outlawed, only outlaws would be lawyers.
Illegitimus non Carborundem -- "Don't let the bastards grind you down".
It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
Love: the word that paints a thousand pictures.
Most of us hate to see a poor loser. Rich winners, though, are worse.
Mr. Bullfrog sez:  Time is fun when you're having flies.
Mr. Worf!  Eating Christmas Cookies, on my bridge?
Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.
Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
My opinions are not those of my ex-employer.
My other tagline is a footnote.
My Go this  amn keyboar  oesn't have any  's.
My computer NEVER cras
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Never hit a man with glasses.  Use your fist.
Never call a man a fool. Instead, borrow from him.
Never, never, never *MOON* a werewolf.
Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely.
Never eat prunes when you're famished.
Never enough time, unless you're serving it.
Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please.
No wanna work.  Wanna bang on keyboard.
Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble.
Nobody ever goes there, it's too crowded. (I've actually HEARD this!)
Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
Nobody home but the lights, and they're out too.
Pardon me, waiter. I like my water diluted.
Politics: n. from Greek; "poli"-many; "tics"-ugly, bloodsucking parasites.
Sign seen on door:  C I T Y P L A N N ING
Sometimes you're the bird, and sometimes you're the windshield.
Spam Lite: with meat products like these, who needs taglines?
The glass is half full--and what's in it has gone rancid.
The world's coming to an end. Log off and leave in an orderly fashion.
There is a 70% probability of tomorrow. (actual weatherman quote. 1988)
These are only my opinions. You should see my convictions.
This is news. This is your brain on news. Any questions?
To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
What if there were no hypothetical situations? --Andrew Kohlsmith
When in doubt, do as doubters do.
When things look dark, hold your head high so it can rain up your nose.
Why take life seriously? You're not coming out of it alive anyway!
Working in a McDonald's kitchen: one <beep>ing thing after another...
ZAP! Process discontinued. Enter any 12-digit prime number to resume.
 
If that is not enough call security at Eglin AFB and explain that you believe "c
 lassified" information is now available on the "WEB".
 
 
                        Michael E. Baginski
                        Professor of Electrical Engineering
                        Auburn, University
                        Auburn, Alabama
                        WWW homepage:"http://www.eng.auburn.edu:80/users/mikeb/
                        Phone:  (334) 844-1874
                        e-mail  [log in to unmask]