Dear Janet,

Wow!  At first glance this  appears to be wonderful way of eliminating worry
that is self-inflicted.  But isn't all worry self-inflicted.  Much of it
would seem to be controlled by one's self and in fact how we respond to
someone elses actions would correlate our feelings as a result.  However,
let us not fool ourselves into believing that worth is not tangible in
relation to human emotions.  If we philosophize in this way we may have
fewer ulcers and gray hairs, but society would be the loser.  I can not
imagine what the product of such rationale would be.  I can agree that
self-worth can not be measured in material worth or possessions, however it
seems to me there are enough people out there that have no regard for how
they feel about themselves or what impact they have on others.  There needs
to be more accountablity and responsibility.

The following excerpt appears to be very apathetic to others not to
themselves:
your "unit of worth"
>can't be measured
>amd can never change
>and it is the same for everyone
>
>during your lifetime
>you can enhance your happiness and satisfaction
>through productive living
>or
>you can act in a destructive manner
>and make yourself miserable
>but
>your "unit of worth" is always there
>along with your potential for self-esteem and joy
>
>since you can't measure it or change it
>there is no point in dealing with it
>or being concerned about it
>leave that up to god
>
It is the destructive manner that will impact others that needs some
attatchment to a person's own feelings about worth.  If we don't hold
ourselves accountable in some measurable way we will disintegrate our
already fragile moral integrity.

acknowledge that everyone has one "unit of worth"
>from the time they are born
>until the time they die
>
>as an infant
>you may achieve very little
>and yet you are still precious and worthwhile
>
>when you are old or ill
>relaxed or asleep
>or just doing "nothing"
>you still have "worth"
>
At both of these stages of life there is often the need for help from
others.  If we throw away the concept that what we do to respond to people
in need and relate to some value to ourselves, there would be even more
neglect than we see today.  There wouldn't appear to be any gain.  I don't
accept that it would relieve stress and eventually less worry would lead to
some better existence for all.  Self-esteem is built on a foundation of
respect for ones self in response to how they handle others problems or any
situation that we encounter.

This next passage hits home the most:
>
>there are four valid paths to self-esteem
>
>the first
>is both pragmatic and philosophical
>
>essentially you must acknowledge that human "worth"
>is just an abstraction
>it doesn't exist
>therefore you cannot have it or fail to have it
>and it cannot be measured
>
>worth is not a thing
>it is just a global concept
>
>nor is it a useful and enhancing concept
>it is simply self-defeating
>
>it doesn't do you any good
>it only causes suffering and misery
>
>so rid yourself immediately of any claim to being 'worthy'
>and you'll never have to measure up again
>or fear being worthless

When I think of my own self-esteem or worth, I admit I'm a little too harsh
on myself at times.  But, counter to that are my feelings of joy at making
someone else happy.  And that may be narcisistic, but it certainly makes me
feel elated and worthy when in fact there is an exchange or collaborative
effort and two or more people can share their worthiness and respect for
caring enough in the first place to elicit these emotions.  I find when I
really have caused someone elses pain or just said the hell with it I do
have a conscience and that would have to be a byproduct of my self-esteem or
worth.

Even as I write this I am feeling some pangs of unworthiness (worry).  They
are derived from not wanting to overreact and make this personal.  It is
towards my feelings, but doesn't that make the world a better place.  We
should never be a perfectionist in regards to ourselves, because that is
unrealistic, however, if we don't hold ourselves accountable in some
tangible way it would surely have a negative impact.

Respectfully submitted,

Greg Leeman 37/7

-----Original Message-----
From: Janet313 <[log in to unmask]>
To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Saturday, March 28, 1998 9:30 AM
Subject: your work is not your worth


>hi all
>
>in light of discussions re disability benefits, retirement, et cetera
>and
>in light of the pd connection with cd in 50% of us
>and
>in light of our society's frequent confusion between
>self-esteem and selfishness
>
>i have found this helpful in the past
>and hope it might be relevant to my cyber-siblings now
>
>
>janet
>
>
>------------------------------------
>from "feeling good" by dr. david burns
>chapter 13 "your work is not your worth"
>------------------------------------
>
>a silent assumption that leads to anxiety and depression is
>"my worth as a human being is proportional
>to what i have achieved in my life"
>
>this attitude is at the core of western culture
>and the protestant work ethic
>
>it sounds innocent enough
>
>in fact
>it is self-defeating, grossly inaccurate, and malignant
>
>there are four valid paths to self-esteem
>
>the first
>is both pragmatic and philosophical
>
>essentially you must acknowledge that human "worth"
>is just an abstraction
>it doesn't exist
>therefore you cannot have it or fail to have it
>and it cannot be measured
>
>worth is not a thing
>it is just a global concept
>
>nor is it a useful and enhancing concept
>it is simply self-defeating
>
>it doesn't do you any good
>it only causes suffering and misery
>
>so rid yourself immediately of any claim to being 'worthy'
>and you'll never have to measure up again
>or fear being worthless
>
>"but i'm a humanistic or spiritual person" you might argue
>"i've always been taught that all human beings have worth
>and i just don't want to give up this concept"
>
>very well
>if you want to look at it this way
>i'll agree with you
>
>and this brings us to the second path to self-esteem
>
>acknowledge that everyone has one "unit of worth"
>from the time they are born
>until the time they die
>
>as an infant
>you may achieve very little
>and yet you are still precious and worthwhile
>
>when you are old or ill
>relaxed or asleep
>or just doing "nothing"
>you still have "worth"
>
>your "unit of worth"
>can't be measured
>amd can never change
>and it is the same for everyone
>
>during your lifetime
>you can enhance your happiness and satisfaction
>through productive living
>or
>you can act in a destructive manner
>and make yourself miserable
>but
>your "unit of worth" is always there
>along with your potential for self-esteem and joy
>
>since you can't measure it or change it
>there is no point in dealing with it
>or being concerned about it
>leave that up to god
>
>here is the third path to self-esteem
>
>recognize
>that there is only one way
>you can lose a sense of self-worth:
>by persecuting yourself with unreasonable illogical negative thoughts
>
>self-esteem
>can be defined as the state that exists
>when you are not arbitrarily haranguing and abusing yourself
>but choose to fight back against these automatic thoughts
>with meaningful rational responses
>
>when you do this effectively
>you will experience a natural sense of jubilation
>and self-endorsement
>
>essentially you don't have to get the river flowing
>you just have to avoid
>damming it
>
>here is the fourth solution
>
>self-esteem can be viewed as your decision
>to treat yourself like a
>beloved friend
>
>imagine that a vip you respect came suddenly to visit you one day
>how might you treat that person:
>
>you would wear your best clothes
>and offer your finest wine and food
>and you would do everything you could
>to make her feel comfortable and pleased with her visit
>you would be sure to let her know how highly you valued her
>and how honoured you were that she chose to spend some time with you
>
>now - why not treat yourself like that
>do it all the time if you can
>
>after all
>no matter how impressed you are with your favourite vip
>you
>are more important to you
>than she is
>so why not treat yourself at least as well
>
>would you
>insult and harangue a guest with vicious distorted put downs?
>
>would you
>peck away at her weaknesses and imperfections?
>
>then why do this to yourself?
>
>your self torment
>becomes pretty silly when you look at it this way
>
>do you
>have to earn the right
>to treat yourself in this loving caring way?
>
>no
>
>this attitude of self-esteem
>will be an assertion that you make
>based on a full awareness of your strengths and imperfections
>
>you will fully acknowledge your positive attributes
>without false humility or a sense of superiority
>
>you will freely admit to all your errors and inadequacies
>without any sense of inferiority or self-depreciation whatever
>
>this attitude embodies the essence
>of self love and self respect
>
>it does not have to be earned
>
>it cannot be earned in any way
>
>------------------------------------
>
>janet paterson
>51-10 / sinemet-selegiline-prozac
>almonte-ontario-canada / [log in to unmask]
>