> >>>
> >>>Pillsbury Doughboy Obituary
> >>>>
> >>>> Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe
> >>>> yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as Brown-n-Serve, Fresh
> >>>> was an avid gardener and tennis player.
> >>>>
> >>>> Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent
> >>>> years.  Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth,
> >>>> the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the
> >>>> Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy.
> >>>>
> >>>> The grave side was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt
> >>>> Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who
> >>>> "never knew how much he was kneaded."
> >>>>
> >>>> Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled
> >>>> with many turnovers.  He was not considered a very smart cookie,
> >>>> wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- conned by
> >>>> those who buttered him up.  Still, even as a crusty old man, he was
> >>>> a roll model for millions.
> >>>>
> >>>> Fresh is survived by his second wife.  They have two children and
> >>>> another bun in the oven.
> >>>>
> >>>> The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
> >>>
>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
> >>>>>
> >>>
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>
> >>>Every night Frank would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack,
> >>>bring it
> >>>home, and drink it while he watched TV.  One night, as he finished his
> >>>last
> >>>beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot
> >>>cockroach standing there.  The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw
> >>>himacross the room, then left.
> >>>-The next night, after he finished his 4th beer, the doorbell rang.
He
> >>>walked
> >>>slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach  standing
> >>>there. The
> >>>big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.
> >>>-The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang
> >>>again.
> >>>The same six-foot cockroach was standing there.  This time he  was
kneed
> >>>in
> >>>the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain.   Then
the
> >>>big
> >>>bug left.
> >>>-The fourth night Frank didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang.  The
> >>>cockroach was standing there. The bug nearly beat the life out of
Frank
> >>>and
> >>>left him in a heap on the living room floor.
> >>>-The following day, Frank went to see his doctor.  He explained the
> >>>events of
> >>>the preceding four nights.  "What can I do?" he pleaded.
> >>>"Not much" the doctor replied.  "There's just a nasty bug going
around."
> >>>
>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
> >>>>>
> >>>
> >>>>>>>>>>
> >>>
> >>>A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to
farm
> >>>and
> >>>build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return
home.
> >>>He
> >>>realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to
speak
> >>>
> >>>English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.  The
> >>>missionary points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
> >>>The
> >>>chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."  The missionary is pleased
> >>>with
> >>>the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a
rock
> >>>and
> >>>says, "This is a rock."  Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts,
> >>>"Rock." The
> >>>padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a
> >>>rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in
> >>>the
> >>>midst of heavy romantic activity.  The padre is really flustered and
> >>>quickly
> >>>responds, "Riding a bike."  The chief looks at the couple briefly,
pulls
> >>>out
> >>>his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the
> >>>chief
> >>>that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and
kind
> >>>to
> >>>each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that
> >>>way?
> >>>>The chief replied, "My bike."
> >>>