hi cyber dad

you wrote:
>today i started requip; i'm off of mirapex as the latter was not working.
>my neuro gave me a vcr tape on pd - there was a lot i already knew about.
>we had a long talk. it is almost back to square 1 for me.
>i am so tired of fighting. i just want to give up.

i guess thinking of your med program as 'back to square one'
might seem like a failure
and that all the struggling so far has been for nothing
so there hardly seems any point to struggling more

but that is what it might look like if you use
your 'the glass is half empty' lens

what do you think it might look like if you  use
your 'the glass is half full' lens?

your struggles so far have had their effect on you
and on everyone you have encountered

they have 'honed' you
they have 're-defined' you
they have filtered the 'junk' out of you

if you had had an 'easy' life
with no struggling = learning
how would you have turned out?

>i know i have always said not to give in. but don't we have rights too.

sure we do
there just aren't any easy answers
i believe that the problem here is that suicide
is a simplistic 'solution' to a very complex problem
and the kicker is
that the poor soul thinking of suicide is not able to think normally
the thought process is distorted
and can fairly easily be undistorted with a little effort

>everybody says "suicide is a chicken's way
>way out. think of those behind."

well, i don't think 'everybody' is / are thinking very carefully
i think that idea simply reflects the anger and frustration
felt by those left behind

i think that a person who is suicidal is in a great deal of pain
[real enough even if distortion-caused]
dealing with such pain for any length of time
is not the mark of a coward
in my humble opinion

>what of your feelings don't they have their rights too.

yes they do [the suicidal ones]
but if they are suffering from cognitive distortions
shouldn't they be helped to see the distortion?

like someone who is colour blind
about to drive through a red light?

>my neuro says he is my friend

he certainly behaves like one

>he has not many as he can not get to close to his patients.

a true friend is a precious gift
in both directions

>he says "don, you are a fighter, smart, independent"

he is right
and he is using the 'full glass' lens

if he were using the 'empty glass' lens
he'd say, "don, you are a trouble-maker, too clever by half, a stubborn cuss"

which is right?
the one that can laugh at himself and his [all too human] mistakes

>he gave me 60 days of equip ha
>some saleman gave them to him.
>but if it makes him feel good i'll go along with it ha

hah! yourself!
a goof cannot seriously consider suicide
he might miss too much fun

>you see meds alone can't do it all

right!
and pd alone is not your all, either

>it's what you want out of life
>that helps meds.

right!
and 'wanting' something, anything, out of life
is a sign, to me at least, of clear undistorted lenses
it means you feel you deserve something out of life
and are entitled to ask for it
as someone once said: ask and ye shall receive
believe it or not

and then you wrote:
>i goofed some where along the way

impossible! i thought you were superman!

>i am not sure what i want or saying. all mixed up

you sound purty un-mixed to me
you've just been thinking hard, is all

>so much to do roof now leaks, grass needs cutting, sewer
>line to repair, door to fix,  i just don't know what to do.
>why can't i be like everybody else

those silly 'everybody' people again!
they don't really exist, you know
just like 'average' and 'normal' don't exist either
except as statisics

gawllee!
if you were like 'everybody' else
yikes! it scares me just to think of it!

you are you
unique
one of a kind
un-matched and un-matchable
never seen before never to be seen again
and the really neat part here is
each one of us is too

so you have troubles that no-one else has
you have pleasures that no-one else has
you have insights that no-one else has

>i could do any thing
>electrical painting roofing sewers
>am so tired why start all over.
>26 years of fighting
>i am tired.

hmm
looking at the 25 years through 'empty glass' lenses again?
what else happened during those 25 years?
was it really all one long hard struggle?
was it really all a waste?
did you learn
anything?

>what it like not to worry
>or not to do something.
>i wish it could happen
>but it won't

if i know you
it won't happen because once you change your filters
you can't be held back from doing anything you set your mind to!
pd or no pd i cannot imagine a 'quiet and retiring' don aka flash mckinley!!

>so i will try again for the new pwp
>don't give up
>i want to today
>but tomorrow i hope to feel better
>just going to say now and i mean it from my heart I.Y.Q

remember my post the other day about bev?
>i truly believe that
>we are each here for a unique purpose...
>the simplistic thinking that perpetrates the concepts
>emotionality = weakness
>rationality = strength...
>the ridiculous cloak of toxic shame surrounding
>any expression of pain and grief...

this might be
part of your purpose here
sharing your pains and frustration
as well as your joys and your goofiness
no-one else does either
like you do

with love

sis

janet paterson
51-10 / sinemet-selegiline-prozac
almonte-ontario-canada / [log in to unmask]