Hans....

I only vish ya vas here zo I couldt giving ya greadt big SMACK upside yor
noggin! <grin>

It's not nice to making yokes like dadt aboudt Ken and Barb Brock! <ducking>

You badt boy, you!

Barb Mallut
[log in to unmask])







----------
From:   Parkinson's Information Exchange on behalf of Hans van der Genugten
Sent:   Sunday, June 21, 1998 4:52 PM
To:     Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN
Subject:        Non PD: Jokes.

The next stories REALLY happened!!.................Yeah, REALLY!!
The originals were send to me by Nancy Vanhook. Thanks, Nancy!!!!

I took the liberty of changing the originals.....a little!

To protect the privacy of the people involved, their names were changed!
Any resemblence to events or people you know are JUST coincidental.....!


  * * *   * * *   * * *   KEN, BARB AND HANS   * * *   * * *   * * *

Ken, Barb, and Hans were lost in the woods of Northern Minnesota and were
becoming desperate having run out of food several days ago. It was winter,
the snow was deep, their situation was looking very bleak. When Ken dug down
into the snow to look for nuts, he found an old lamp and upon rubbing it to
get the snow off, a genie came out. The genie says: "I am da great genie of
Nordern Minnesooota and I can grant each of you vun vish."

Ken says: "I vish I vas back on da farm." Poof, Ken was gone.

Barb quickly says: "I vish I vas back on da farm wit Ken." Poof, Barb was
gone.

Hans was sitting there looking sad and the genie finally says: "Hans, vat is
your vish?" and Hans says: "Gee, I'm really lonely. I vish Ken and Barb were
back here with me".

  * * *

Hans was going for his morning walk one day when he walked past Ken's house
and saw a sign that said "Boat For Sale." This confused Hans because he knew
that Ken didn't own a boat, so he finally decided to go in and ask Ken about
it. "Hey Ken," said Hans, "I noticed da sign in your yard dat says 'Boat For
Sale,' but ya don't even have a boat. All ya have is your ol John Deere
tractor and combine." Ken replied: "Yup, and they're boat for sale."

  * * *

Ken got a new truck ya know. So he called up Hans and says: "Hans, I got me
a new truck! Do ya vant to go ice fishin' vit me?" "Sure!" says Hans. So
Hans went with Ken (and Barb came along too cuz' she was doin' nuttin
anyway). So Ken and Barb sat in the front of the truck and Hans sat in the
back. Then they were on the ice when all of a sudden the truck went right
through the ice! So even though Ken and Barb are pretty big people they
managed to get out of the truck, and they were waiting for Hans at the top
when he finally popped up. Ken says: "Hans vat took you so long?" "Vell",
says Hans, "It took me a while to figure out how to open da tail gate."

  * * *

One day Ken went in to see his doctor. Ken says: "Doc, I just don't know vat
to do. Barb and me, vell, our sex life just ain't going dat vell." The
doctor says: "Ken, all you need is some exercise. I want you to walk ten
miles every day. You give me a call in a week and let me know how you're
doing." So, a week later the phone rings and the doctor answers it. A voice
on the other end says: "Doc, dis is Ken." The doctor says: "Hello Ken. Have
you been walking ten miles every day?" Ken says: "Yes." The doctor asks:
"And has your sexlife improved?" Ken replies: "Well, how da hell vould I
know? I'm seventy miles avay from home!"

  * * *

Ken was fishing with Hans in a rented boat. They could not catch a thing.
Ken said: "Let's go a vit furder down stream." So they did and they caught
many monstrous fish. They had their limit so they went home. On the way home
Hans said: "I marked de spot right in de middle of de boat Ken." "You
stupid," said Ken, "How do you know ve vill get da same boat next time!"

  * * *

Ken and Barb were laying in bed one night when the phone rang. Ken answered
it and Barb heard him yell: "Vell, how da hell should I know. Dats over
2,000 miles away." And he hung up. Barb says: "Who was dat Ken?" Ken says:
"Hell if I know. Some weirdo wants ta know if da coast is clear."

  * * *

Barb passed away and Ken called 911. The 911 operator told Ken that she
would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Ken replied: "At da end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked: "Can you
spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Ken said: "How 'bout
if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up der?"

  * * *

Ken and Barb's bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to the auction
to buy a new one. Ken had to get the crops in and couldn't leave the farm,
so Barb took the train to the city to buy a bull. If she was successful, she
would take the train back to the farm, then she and Ken would go to town
with the truck to pick up their newly purchased bull.

The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Barb found herself
bidding on the last remaining bull. It took everything she had but ten
cents, but she was finally the successful bidder. Unfortunately, the train
home was fifty cents.

"Please, Mr. Conductor, couldn't you make an exception just vunce?" pled
Barb. "Sorry lady," he replied, "but you can send your husband a telegram to
tell him your problem. The office is just down the street."

At the Telegraph office, Barb asked: "Mister, how many vords can I send to
my husband for a dime?" "It's ten cents a word," the clerk answered.

Barb pondered her dilemma then finally said: "OK, here's da message":

"COMFORTABLE".


  * * *   * * *   * * *   * * *   * * *   * * *   * * *   * * *