Time to laugh a little (from Darwin Hawkins, courtesy of the Boeing Tech
Pubs Humor Page on the Boeing Net):

THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES

       During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a
       strip club at least once.

       All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

       If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
       passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year

       All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the
       armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying
       beside her.

       All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French
       Bread.

       It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone
       in the control tower to talk you down.

       The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding
       place.  No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and
       you can travel to any other part of the building you want without
       difficulty.

       You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you
       make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart
       back home.

       Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
       not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

       If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or
       killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade

       or his forthcoming art exhibition.

       The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

       A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
       but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

       If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown
       through it before long.

       When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out
       a bill -- just grab one at random and hand it over. It will
always
       be the exact fare.

       Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from
       elsewhere in the universe.

       Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
       night, you should open the fridge door and use that light
       instead.

       If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any
       strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

       Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always
       say: Enter Password Now.

       Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

       The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective -- or
       give him 48 hours to finish the job.

       A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of
       RFK Stadium.

       It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or
       ending phone conversations.

       Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it  is necessary
       to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every
few
       moments.

       All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large
       red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

       It is always possible to park directly outside the building you
       are visiting.

       If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you
       bump into will know all the steps.

       Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
       communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

       It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
       involving martial arts -- your enemies will wait patiently to
       attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner
       until you have knocked out their predecessors.

       Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make
       sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total
       opposite.

       When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to
       each other.

       You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

       Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paperclip in seconds
       unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped
       inside.

       An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause
       no lasting damage to an eight year old child.

       Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects
       you personally at that precise moment.

       If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
       ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

       Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
       every morning even though their husband and children never have
       time to eat it.

       Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

       Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and
pant.

       A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from

       duty.

       When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they
       will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

       No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion,
volcanic
       eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

       Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba
diving.