Hilary Blue said in part:

> This is very difficult for me to reply to, as it deals with stuff I
> don't often let myself think about.  But I think there is one exception
> here - and that is how the situatioan is impinging on the children.
>   I loved my husband dearly, but whem he was manic, there were times I
> was really scared -
>
> If BUrt wouldn't have got the cancer when he did, i don't know what I
> wouuld have done. Maybe I would have left him, for the sake of the
> children.  But I couldn't abandon that poor sick man..... there are
> times when I regard that cancer as a blessing - and that is one of the
> hardest things I have ever had to say.....
> Hilary Blue
>
>
> Tebay, Wendy M wrote:
> >
> > Darwin,
> >
> > In reply to your reply:
> >
> > *********
> > "FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE, FOR RICHER, FOR POORER, IN SICKNESS AND IN
> > HEALTH, FOR AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE" answers this question rather
> > succinctly. When there is no easy way out because you really stand by
> > your vows, a person can find a way to live with it. If a person doesn't
> > honor their commitment, then they have no honor.
> >
> > Darwin
> >
> > **********
> > I couldn't agree with you more.  In my friend's case, however, he isn't
> > abandoning his sick  wife, she seems to have abandoned him years ago.
> >
> > personally, I think he'd be totally justified if he packed it in.
Everyone
> > deserves to be happy.  Life isn't perfect, but one-sided relationships
are
> > unhealthy.
> >
> > Well, that's enough of my spiel.  No one here may even care about this
> > little side story, but I originally brought it up as I do feel that the
> > caregiver does often get the raw end of the deal.  I have no choice as
to
> > whether or not I wish to be involved with pd, but as I am single, I
know
> > it's gonna be twice as hard as it would be otherwise for me to find
someone
> > who's willing and able to deal with it.  I can't blame anyone for that,
> > altho' I'll still keep looking for someone who can handle it.
> >
> > Wendy

This conversation about committment and in relation to one's staying with
an ill loved one is an interesting one.  Now that we have a chronic
illness, as pd is, I find that I look at this differently than I might have
pre-diagnosis.  What if I, like Burt, I start acting or thinking
irrationally because of the reaction of my mind/body to years of
anti-parkinson's drugs?  Will my spouse of many years feel bound to honor
his marriage vows of in sickness or health?  I hope so.  Will he ever wish
he could leave me and find a healthier woman?  Perhaps.  Will he be
justified in doing that if the illness proceeds to the point where he has
the draining role of caregiver to someone who needs help with even the
daily needs of dressing, feeding, bathing, etc.?  Again, I hope he decides
to stay or can afford to hire persons to help me with those needs. But what
my spouse does is HIS decision, not mine, and therefore, I refuse to spend
the time and energy worrying about something out of my control.

Rather than focus on this gloomy prospect, I prefer to use Wendy's Aug.
16th Day of Prayer/Meditation to ask for/visualize the discovery of a
cure/cause for PD and to continue my grassroots advocacy for pd awareness
and funding for research.  We can't see through to the future.  Why paint
it black?

As to Hilary's regret over the feelings she had when Burt was ill.  Those
feelings are necessary to recognize, Hilary, but you DID stay and the fact
that cancer did end Burt's life is just that...a fact of life.  As a
mother, your feelings of protection for your children are positive natural
maternal instinct of survival.  If staying w/Burt was threatening to you or
the children, you had to do what was necessary to survive.  Don't waste
your time or energy on the past.  Your present needs attending to now.  As
I have said to your personally before, Hilary, you are a phenomenal woman
and I admire you.

Jeanette Fuhr 47/8mo
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