Ivan,
You're doing great. You've more friends and family than you think == and
we-ll find a solution, never fear. Just hang in there. Alles sal regkom!
Vasbyt, ouman.
Hilary

Ivan M Suzman wrote:
>
> Hello people,
>
> I have finally been able, for the first time since last Tuesday, to get
> some sleep in my bedroom instead of on the couch by the front door. First
> deep sleep in 4 days.  I had been absolutely unable to sleep for nearly
> 36 hours. I had anxiety attacks and had been exhausted to the edge of
> zombieness, once the 9-hour night shift became available, but was not
> covered.
>
>  There is some really good news. I have been sent help for two or
> possibly three nights a week by a friend from Greenville, New Hampshire,
> Debra Fogg, who has come through with a nighttime helper.
>
>   She found a former neighbor's son, Dean Mitchell,a 19 year old bible
> college student, for Sunday, Monday and maybe Tuesday NIGHTS.  That still
> leaves a 4 or 5 more nights to be covered. He is here now, watching me
> send this message out. We are getting along very well. So at least
> tomorrow night is covered.
>
>    I also have the problem that if I need nighttime help (which I do), or
> weekend help (which I do) or pre-dawn help (which I do), then I am
> ineligible to use Medicaid-funded nursing agency home health aides to
> fill in various coverage gaps not assigned yet to my self-directed
> personal care attendants . The  Meicaid rules allow me either to choose
> personal care attendants for whatever hours I need, 7 days/week,or to let
> an agency send aides, out during the business  hours that they allow.
> Portland's economy is booming, and wages are up, so  I am in competition
> with other industries which pay benefit packages and wages far
> outstripping the personal care industry .  So help is scarce, BOTH from
> agencies, and among consumer-hired personal care attendants.  It is a
> competitive situtation, and my Social Security is too low to provide
> funds to compete.
>
>    I have Sundays still uncovered--i have a prospect, however.  God, I
> sure hope you hear me, because I need to have just a little luck here....
>
>    I have no biological family interested in coming to me to help,
> although a cousin from Massachusetts has stopped in for one hour.  It has
> to be homophobia, and unfulfilled expectations about me.  Wish they were
> different. So the volunteer energy a heterosexual Ivan would get is
> non-existent for the real me.  Incredibe how just two weeks ago, I lit a
> candle for Matthew Shepard, and now I am on the list of those who need
> someone who cares to light a candle for them.  Especially now that I am
> unpartnered.
>
>    My medical condition has dropped off, and I am extremely stressed by
> up to 6 hours a day of telephone calls to deal with the advertizing and
> search process. And my long-distance bill is in the stratoshpere. I have
> been talking too long, just to be connected, and not alone, in the middle
> of this crisis.
>
>   One friend suggested I look deep within myself to calm myself.  THat
> seems to work-it's like a form of meditating, I guess.  But things happen
> all at once, and then, I get instantly tired out
>
>    I also need help to know what the Medicaid Recovery Act is, exactly,
> and what impact it has on me, potentially.  After all i went through in
> 1996, I am not going to let my house be taken by the State!
>
>    My Dad, now a vigorous 80, remarried about 6 years after my mom died,
> and his new wife OWNS A NURSING HOME.  So how conveniently it works for
> me to be told," go to a nursing home. " I just have to let all this go--I
> can't do anything about it.  No financial assistance to raise caregiver
> wages to more competitive has come forth.
>
>    I've been on the phone to the United Way- dead end .Sometimes for
> three or four hours non-stop,  searching for help is all my time allows
> Talked to so many people-my voice getting slurry and soft, then
> inaudible, throat drying up from side-effects and then I shut off and
> fade out for a while.
>
>    A solution has to be found quickly--I KNOW someone has to LIVE here
> with me-and, decent MONEY has to be found to offer a part-time salary, in
> addition to reduced or no rent, to prevent transitory stays of my "team"
> of caregivers, so I escape endingup in a matter of days aground like an
> old whaling ship.
>
>     The phone rings incessantly during the day, so please KEEP TRYING to
> reach me.  I am funded for 13 hours of help out of 24.  Many times I am
> resting, or trying to do something else.
>
>     Your support means a lot, and your ideas  mean a HUGE amount.  I do
> wish someone would take the risk of talking to my family that is
> abandoning me.  Anyone willing to try would finthem hostile-maybe Ken
> Becker could talk to my Dad in, of all places, Palm Beach Florida?  My
> brothers and their families are in Providence, RI and in Rehoboth, Mass.
> I don't understand their (my brothers')
> fears.  The impact of being abandoned at this point is absolutely huge.
>
>     I am in conversation with several people about all these things
> happening to me at once.  I am going to everything I possibly can to
> survive this ordeal, but I really have NEVER been so vulnerable.
>
> IVAN..dozing off........thank you for your help.......
>
> ^^^^^^WARM GREETINGS  FROM^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> Ivan Suzman         48/12/9.5         [log in to unmask]
> Portland, Maine    Land of lighthouses    33   deg. F
> ********************************************************************
>
> On Sun, 8 Nov 1998 20:36:56 -0500 Bent Willow <[log in to unmask]>
> writes:
> >>I'm even taking a chance and listing his phone number, with his
> >permission,
> >>but if he doesn't answer, please wait for the beep to leave a
> >message.
> >>Camille, Hilary, Dale,Bill, or anyone else, any ideas??????
> >>Gerry and Brig
> >
> >
> >We're sorry to hear about Ivan's situation.  I'm wondering if there is
> >a
> >home health care agency in his area that he can call for assistance.
> >Providing care givers is the job of such agencies.
> >------
> >Mary Ann (CG of Jamie 59/19)
> >