......................continued from part 1

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Subj: CD: perceptions re-visited
Date: 17 july 1997
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dear cyber-siblings

our newest list member asks:
>Is Prozac the best thing for this sort of depression?

clinical depression [cd] seems to have become my pet subject
the question reminded me of something i had intended to
include in my 'perceptions' post earlier this week
in my reading about cd and its treatment

i understand that the current professional guidelines
advise that where medication is indicated as a treatmemt
it should be approached much more aggressively
than in the past

the thinking was that cd has been chronically under-treated:
not enough medication and for too short a time
to be truly effective in 'blowing the clouds away'

the implication was that cd is eminently treatable and beatable
that its victims should not have to suffer with it needlessly
due to under-treatment

i believe that i can relate to this personally
i felt that my anti-depressant 'wasn't working anymore'
and worried about switching to something else
however my doctor advised increasing the current med
for a few weeks as the first strategy
and i do believe it worked
[witness the sudden re-emergence of the hermit!]

please note that i have deliberately avoided naming meds
because pd varies so much from one person to another
and each of us is our own unique 'chemical stew'
there are a lot of anti-depressants available
it may take some experimenting to hit on the right one...

janet

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Subj: CD: perceptions of clinical depression
Date: 01 august 1997
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hello cyber-siblings!

this is in fond memory of alan bonander
who left us a year ago today,
a quote:

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     to be depressed is not unusual
     but to stay depressed is unnecessary

           alan bonander
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this seems to be evolving into a weekly 'cyber-sibling cd series'

every time i read of a cyber-sibling struggling with cd
i start mulling all over again

since i'm so thankful to be out of it
and because my heart goes out to anyone who's stuck in it

when i'm in the 'slime pit' of cd
i generally cannot see my thinking as distorted

when i'm out of that pit
i can look back and see the distortions clearly

when i'm out of the pit
and if i pay close attention
i can frequently see cd clearly in others

it's a catch 22
for the cd sufferer

if my thinking is distorted
how can i evaluate my thinking?
and how can i accept another's evaluation of my thinking?

while discussing clinical depression [cd] with a friend recently,
we came up with an interesting analogy of
how the brain's chemistry malfunction
can distort normal thinking
into gloom and doom
distortions

we compared the bio-chemical imbalance of cd
to having a faulty fuel gauge in my car

"when you're depressed it always points to empty
and it stresses you
and makes you ill
because even though you know when you're zipping around town
that it can't always be empty
yet there is that time when
it will indeed be empty
and thus it keeps you in a constant state of stress"

i know i'm not 'imagining' anything
because i can see the gauge showing 'empty'

it's just that when i'm caught up in the slime pit
i'm not 'spunky' enough to think the gauge is wrong

instead i 'automatically' assume there must be something wrong with me:
'why do i always forget to fill up?'
'i'm gonna run outta gas and be stuck somewhere any minute and get a ticket'
'why am i always so irresponsible/lazy/etc ?'
'i'll never make it to my appointment on time'

that's sort of how the negative thinking spiral goes
and i believe the constant stress of this 'automatic' thought pattern
contributes to the chemical imbalance
resulting in a downward spiral
of negativity

by contrast
when i'm out of the slime pit
if i saw the fuel gauge showing 'empty'
i would not immediately assume there was anything at all wrong with me:
i would simply look at the gauge and say
"what the heck, i just filled it up the other day! stupid gauge!"
[or something to that effect]

2nd analogy for the mud wrestlers among us:
cd is a slimey liar
it's hard to grab ahold of it
but once i've got it pinned down to the mat
i know it's relatively easy to scrub the slime away

with love from your cyber-sis ...

janet

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ps
notes from december 1998:
1. ain't it grand to think of 'belfast, the conflict' as a 'was'?
2. i am still learning; this is a process, not a 'do it and you're done' deal

janet paterson - 51 now /41 dx /37 onset - almonte/ontario/canada
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