^^^^^^  WARM GREETINGS  FROM  ^^^^^^^^^^^^  :-)
 Ivan Suzman        49/39/36       [log in to unmask]   :-)
 Portland, Maine   land of lighthouses   21   deg. F   :-)
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I really wonder why, after being personally asked
during a 45-minute phone call  from WETA-TV, in December,
to rearrange my entire life so that I could be filmed
by the PBS Lehrer  team, specifically,
soon after January 5th,

(I have been going through HELL , trying to get
my PD-ravaged teeth repaired and reformed,
to smile the best PWP smile imaginable)

that I read only second-hand, on our PD list,
but not directly from PBS,
 that I will NOT be filmed !!!

Due to budget constraints.???  What a pile of  - - - - !

WAIT JUST A FRIGGIN' MINUTE!
What the HELL has happened????

I wonder if my identification as GAY
has reduced my struggle to find
GAY-friendly, GAY-experienced
and GAY-supportive "CG's"
to a sad lament, a buried footnote on
heterosexist PBS's pages about PWP's.

My issues as a PWP who can no longer
live alone, who somehow manages to live on,
and who is not a slut, who will not take
anything in a bar that comes his way,
making me just like ANY single PWP,
except that, GAY PWP's are out-in=the=cold,
 gone from the PBS progamming.

I am not angry, I am FURIOUS
at being excluded by PBS.
ME? NOT camera-worthy??
WHO started the TV-ready list, PBS???
No, not Michael J. Fox, no,  this GAY PWP did!!

I am just as charming, and, although

I don't have children,
I love children immensely.

I am not in Hollywood,
but I do perform for 45 minutes to an hour,
on STAGE with the Maine Gay Mens' Chorus,
whose TUXEDO-ED performances are legendary.
I actually managed to do THREE shows in December.
I have a become more than a local hero.  Phone our President,
Mark McDonald, and find out for yourself!

After all, you all know how I capably
'bust my ass" to help ALL of us.

If a PWP is not strictly heterosexual,
and if being "married" or "single" becomes i.d.-worthy,
although I, too, am alone,.and need companionship,
I begin to feel marginalized and unaccounted for.

Perhaps one becomes a partial PWP, a P-PWP,
or maybe I should self-i.d. as a Q-PWP (q is for queeny),

Partially-presentable under limited circumstances.
No matter how one contributes to overcoming PD.

I try to be fully acceptable
in my own, 'different" way,
and know I am both GAY,
and PWP "family" like anyone else,

even if I am a Matthew Shepard to some,
or a GAY pain in the derriere to several.

I was made the way I am,
by a God and Goddess combined.
I am a special PWP, and I have gifts to share
with all of you PWP's,

whether I feel  sensitive, and sultry,
like the Shechina,
the Jewish Sabbath's god-queen,

Or manly, masculine, bearded, and,
smelling strongly of Stetson after-shave,
feeling horny, like a "real" man,
and reminding you of Charlton Heston
in the desert heat of Khartoum!!

I reflect at times a "special"
PWP make-up, combining a bit of Schweppes,
a tinted queenishness,
lilac leg-warmers, GAY apparel,

leather and fantasy and,
a rose-colored stud in my left ear.

Well the PBS people missed out
on a chance to kkkick around
this kkknowlegeable PWP's
ideas. I can go elsewhere
and be welcomed.

You kkknow, folks,
I am a published SCIENTIST.
I have many hard hours of South African
and Minnesotan and Maine-iac
anatomy labs and editorial jobs
behind me.

I really feel so excluded by
the wealthy white male straight ego-tripping
power structure that would like to make me
a queer.

A faggot.

I have been spat upon by a C.N.A.

My pencilled sketch of an elm tree
at sunset in November
was defaced by crude
caricatures of copulating stick-figures.

My GAY home was burned by arson in 1996.

My kitty, Celie, was murderd in that fire.

I am nonetheless, truly thrilled that
my PWP-sistah, Hilary Blue,
a thoughtful, caring and honest
friend, who as a Jewess,
understands what being a MINORITY
is all about,  was filmed today!!

Hilary has made a brilliant,brave
and unforgettable entrance, for all PWP's,
into the world of publicity,
and hopefully, a CURE for PD,
a world that our Californian friend,
Barb Malllut, and I have also pierced.

But where does PBS leave me?
Life-line was installed today in my house.
A huge speaker with buttons was hooked up
this morning at 11 AM !!!

I have visions of being taken to an early grave
just like Matthew Shepard in Wyoming.
because if a PWP is a GAY man,
you are more of a Queer
than a worthwhile Breeder.

One of the boys at my favorite bar
put it very bluntly when he said
 "Ivan, darlin', there will always
   be queers and there will always
   be niggahs"

So, please people of the List,
WAKE UP!  and remember that
a very low-income GAY List Member  who needs
GAY-friendly and GAY-knowlegeable
caregivers, is sitting quietly in an
Arctic icescape, trying not to be

another dreadful GAY statistic.


My struggle to find safe caregivers,
has been relegated to non-existence,
by a PBS mentality that has decide that
I supposedly do not matter.

Meanwhile the real issues about being single,
whether widowed, divorced, gay, bi, lesbian or whatever,
issues that unite EVERY PWP who is ALONE ,
were left aside by a homophobic  PBS.

And while PBS glossed over my GAY-ness,
and is frightened to deal with human diversity
as it REALLY is, in ALL lof its wonderful forms,

I still have no nighttime caregiver, and,
tomorrow I am expecting to be HOSPITALIZED.


Ivan Mfowethu Suzman (Q-PWP/49/39/36)