Lisa, m'dear... You've had a terribly tough and painful time!  (an
understatement, huh?)

I suggest you "let your fingers do the walking," and immediately go
over to http://www.amazon.com and order "How to Survive the Loss of a
Love," by Melba Colgrove.  It's the best $7 (US dollars).
The guidelines listed in this small book are common-sensible, easy to
do and to remember, and generally WILL pick you up emotionally.  Some
of what I garnered from this outstanding book are offered below:

While I can't make the negative fall-out from the past go away, I can
share with you what's usually gotten me thru those times in my life
when it seemed my future was bleak and my past was too painful to
think of.  And in fact, by reaching out to our List-family, I can see
where you're using some of these coping tactics already.

I suggest you treat your SELF kindly during this negative period in
your life.   Be kind  to yourself - don't beat yourself over the head
for the things that have happened lately.  You can't change the past
by mentally dwelling in the "If onlys." You know 'bout the "if
onlys," don't ya?  "If I'd only done/not done _________ <you name
it>, things would be better."  Nothing positive ever came outta
hanging out in a painful past.

Remember the good times without rancor.   You'll have good times
again..... HONEST.

LOOK for "little pleasures,"  pleasures that are gifts of nature that
you couldn't buy for a million dollars.  Take time to appreciate
lovely sunsets, an opening flower, the golden hue of the sunrise as
each object is touched by the rising sun.  Treasure the falling
leaves that come with with the seasons (I know -  you live in a part
of the world that has only three seasons - spring, summer, and
hurricane) <ducking>.   Small pleasures are "do-able" even when the
world SUCKS.

When you're feeling blue try to get enough sleep and treat yourself
to eating well.  Both are important to rebuilding your equilibrium.

Seek out friendships right now... Make a promise to yourself that you
won't get TOO comfortable wrapped in the gloom you feel now.
Remember - you don't want that dark, gloomy feeling to start feeling
"normal," do ya?

Finally, I suggest not spending much time looking at those problems
which are not even remotely "fixable."  Those need to be broken down
into manageable size, if possible, and if NOT "fixable," then either
put 'em on your "mental back-burner," for a while, or just put 'em
out of your mind entirely.  What's the point of dwelling on things
that you cannot change?

These things have worked well for me when I'm feeling down (and they
also work on them days when you're just outta sorts).  And after a
while it becomes habit to try to change to a positive mood after
you've sat around moping for a while (that doesn't mean that you've
gotten rid of all negatives, it simply means you're coping with them
better.)

I wish you inner peace and send you a heap of  love...

Barb Mallut
[log in to unmask]




-----Original Message-----
From: LISA CRUMRINE <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Thursday, February 18, 1999 9:32 AM
Subject: how to handle stress over load?


>hi guys, what a month it's been.  I was off line for 2 weeks and
came baCK
>TO 849 MESSAGES, YIKES.
>
> anyone have any words of advice or encouragent for me?
>I had a full blown breakdown , went over the edge and lost control
why?
>
> my dad's struggle with cancer
>my impending divorce and subsequent loss of home and property not to
>mention husband. (who now has a new girl friend)
>getting dumped by current ( I was in deep love) boyfriend.
> deep financial problems,
>my own physical and dental  and mental health.( I lost 8 lbs, i'm
pretty
>skinny)
>a terminated pregnancy.
>feelings of loss, failure and sadness.
>
>i lost it, and now, 3 weeks later, I can almost make it through the
day
>with out crying.
>I said and did some very crazy things that I regret, but too late
now.
>
>Now On top of it all, It took 3 days of phone calls to get some
permax(
>after it had already been ordered twice, supposedly) on tuesday i
felt like
>I just couldnt handle it anymore.  How much can one person take at
one
>time.
>
>I've been praying and reading and trying to see the beauty in life,
but I
>just dont have a whole lot of positive energy to muster up right
now....
>
>please, please any words of encourgement, directions to good
websites,
>quotes, that anyone can share.
>