>This is a compilation of actual student bloopers
>collected by teachers from 8th grade through college.
>
>  1) Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they  all wrote in
hydraulics.
They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of
the
Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
>
>  2) The Bible is full of interesting caricatures.In the first book  of the
Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of
their
children, Cain, asked, "Am I my  brother's son?"
>
>  3) Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea,where they made
>unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up
on
Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever
reached
Canada.
>
>  4) Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
>
>  5) The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and  without them we
wouldn't
have history. The Greeks also  had myths. A myth is a female moth.
>
>  6) Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that
name.
>
>  7) Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving  people
advice.
They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.  After his
death,
his career suffered a dramatic decline.
>
>  8) In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled  the
>biscuits, and threw the java.
>
>  9) Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks.History calls people Romans
because they never stayed in one  place for very long.
>
>  10) Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.  The
Ides
of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made
king.  Dying,
he gasped out "Tee hee, Brutus."
>
>  11) Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects  by
playing the fiddle to them.
>
>  12) Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was
>cannonized  by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that
>no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
>
>  13) In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest  writer of
the
futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many  poems and verses and also wrote
literature.
>
>  14) Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow  through an apple
while
standing on his son's head.
>
>  15) Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a  queen she was a success.
When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
>
>  16) It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.  Gutenberg
invented removable type and the Bible.  Another important invention was
the
circulation of blood.  Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because
he
invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir  Francis Drake
circumcised the
world with a 100 foot clipper.
>
>  17) The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
born in the year 1564, supposedly on his
birthday.  He never made much money and is famous only because  of his
plays. He
wrote tragedies, comedies, and  hysterectomies,  all in Islamic
pentameter.
Romeo and Juliet are an example  of a heroic couplet.  Romeo's last wish
was to
be laid by Juliet.
>
>18) Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
Paradise Lost.
Then his wife died and he  wrote Paradise Regained.
>
> 19) During the Renaissance America began.  Christopher Columbus was a great
navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His
ships
were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
>
>  20) Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's
Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers.  Many
people dies
and many babies were born.  John Smith was responsible for all this.
>
>  21) One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in
their tea.  Also, the colonists would send their  parcels through the
post
without stamps.  Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to
pay for
taxis.  Delegates from the  original 13 states formed the Contented
Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of
the
 Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing
two
cats backwards and declared,  "A horse divided against itself cannot
stand."
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
>
> 22) Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
domestic
hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep
bare
arms.
>
>  23) Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he  built with his
own
hands.  Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by  signing the Emasculation
Proclamation.  On the night of April  14, 1865, Lincoln went to the
theater and
got shot in his seat by  one of the actors in a moving  picture show.
The
believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor.
This
ruined Booth's career.
>
>  24) Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable  time.
Voltaire
invented electricity and also wrote a book called  Candy.
>
>  25) Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the
autumn when the apples are falling off the  trees.
>
> 26) Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a  large
number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which  he
kept up
in his attic.  Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most
famous
composer in the world and so was Handel.  Handel was half German half
Italian
and  half English. He was very large.
>
>  27) Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.  He was so deaf  he
wrote
loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was
calling for
him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
>
>  28) The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened  and
catapulted
into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his
power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any
children.
>
> 29) The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in
the East and the sun sets in the West.
>
> 30) Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn  for 63 years.
She was a moral woman who practiced virtue.  Her death was the final
event
which ended her reign.
>
> 31) The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions.
People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine.
The
invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
Cyrus
McCormick invented the McCormick raper,which did the work of a hundred
men.
>
> 32) Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.  Madman Curie discovered
radio.
And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
>
> 33) The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an
anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
>