Rudy NiNunzio's (Parkinson Care Giver)got to be feeling pretty good
to send these very funny jokes.
However, if you are offended by good humor (not the Ice Cream), just
delete.
Love
Michel

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A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five
iron wrapped tightly around his throat.  Naturally the
doctor asks him what happened.

Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet  round of
golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of
the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked
over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough,  there was my wife's golf
ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I
made my mistake.

 "What did you do?"  asks the doctor.

 Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,  "Hey, this looks like
yours!"

                 =========================

A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is
there a doctor in the house?!"  Several men stood up as the lights came
on.  An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good, are
any of you doctors single and interested in
a date with a good, Jewish girl?"

                 =========================

A daughter comes home from the peace corps in Africa and surprises her
mother who is in the process of lighting the Friday night candles and
serving the matzoh ball soup.  The mother is so thrilled she can't stop
hugging and kissing her daughter.
Finally she says, "Sit down, darling.  Tell me all about what you were
doing."
Her daughter says, "Mom, I got married."
"Oy, mazel tov," says the mother. "How could you do that without telling
me?  What's he like? What does he do?  Where is he?"
"He's waiting outside on the porch while I tell you."
"What are you talking about? Bring him in.  I want to meet my new
son-in-law."
The daughter brings him in and to her consternation the mother sees a
black man standing before her wearing a big grin, a feathered cod piece,
an enormous head dress, animal tooth beads and he is holding a very tall
spear in an upright position.
The mother grabs her daughter, slaps her back and forth on both cheeks
and screams, "Dummy, Stupid, Idiot.....I said a RICH doctor!"

                 =========================

  A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter.   "How
much is that Barbie in the window?", he asks the shop
  assistant.    In a condescending manner she responds, "Which
Barbie?    We have ...
  - Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95
  - Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95
  - Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95
  - Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95
  - Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95
  - and Divorced Barbie for $265.00.">>
  The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are
only $19.95?"
  "That's obvious," the assistant states, "Divorced Barbie comes with
Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."

                 =========================

       A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few
days later  the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a
gorgeous young  lady on his arm.  A couple of days later the doctor met
him again, and  said,  "You're really doing great, aren't you?   That
was quite the gorgeous  young lady I saw you with!"
The man replied,   "Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma
and be cheerful.'"
The Doctor said,  "I didn't say that.  I said you got a heart murmur. Be
careful."

                 =========================

 There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived
on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"
The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."    When
he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon  arriving
in the bar, be ordered a beer and got a mug place between his hands. He
exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are  big!" The bartender replied,
"Everything is big in Texas."
 After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the
bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right".
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but  accidentally missed the
second door.   Instead, he entered the third  door, which lead to the
swimming pool and and fell into the by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't
flush!"

                 =========================
and from Sharon Starr:

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

* Keep honking, I'm reloading.


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and from Hilary Blue, first, and then Sharon Starr:

Q.  Why do mice have small balls?
A.  Because so few of them can dance.