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>This is pretty personal stuff and I don't know if I should be sharing >this, but I figure you guys could help more than anyone else... Linnea, you have my deepest sympathies, as I've gone through something similar with my family. My dad (76 this week) has Parkinsons, diagnosed five years ago. My mom's having a very hard time dealing with it. Though I don't live at home, when I visit I'm struck by how cruel my mom can be to him. When I'm with him for a short while, I understand my mom's frustration. But since I don't live with it 24 hours a day, it's easier for me to take in small doses. I really feel for both of them in what they're going through. Of course counseling is the best thing, but I'm having a heck of a time getting my mom to go too. It's such a stigma for her generation (and still is too). She won't go to a support group because she "doesn't want to hear other people's problems" or because, in her mind "it just turns into a big 'competition'". It's tough. I have gotten her to admit she needs to talk to someone, but she always puts it off until a break in the current crisis (whatever it is), then when the crisis has passed, she puts it off, because she doesn't think she needs it anymore. Grrrrr, it's so frustrating. Sometimes you have to let them decide. Well, always - but I mean sometimes the only thing that will convince a person to seek help is when they've hit rock bottom. It's a little like alcoholics or addicts. When they're sitting around sobbing and so depressed they'll do ANYTHING for some relief - THEN, maybe, they'll consider what they'd never consider before. It's so hard - she's mad at my dad for getting sick, though she knows it's not his fault. She's mad and so very sad that that her golden years didn't turn out at all like she expected. She confided to me once that "I expected HE'd be the one taking care of ME!" It can seem so selfish, but it's not - it's just human. I'm sure that my dad's horribly disappointed to, in his times of lucidity. He WANTS to still be the hero and provider. He WANTS to participate. But Parkinson's intervened. Anyway, one thing I do is print out some of the messages from this list and just give them to her. Sometimes when she gets a quiet moment, she'll read them looking for tips on problems my dad is having - cramps, constipation, delusions, insomnia. Another thing I did was buy her the book "Surviving your Spouse's Chronic Illness" by Chris McGonigle. It's a very frank but sensitive book by a woman whose husband contracted MS at a very young age. Not all of it applies to my mom's situation, of course, but much of it does. And it describes things that I KNOW my mom just thinks is unique to her situation. Sometimes it helps just to know others are going through and have gone through what you're experiencing. The book is only $11-13. Anyway, good luck. -- garyZ Gary Zimmerman