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Linnea -

You and your family are really having a difficult time of it right now.  My
first suggestion to you would be to join the CARE list, which is for
caregivers of Parkinsonians.  You'll find a number of people on the list
dealing with similar problems.  If you'd like, I'll send instructions for
joining.

Your father isn't the only late-stage PWP with dementia who is relieving
himself in inappropriate places and having hallucinations, etc.  You didn't
mention whether your father sees a movement disorder specialist, but if not,
it would be extremely helpful if you could find one.  Parkinson's dementia
can be helped considerably by new drugs such as Clozaril and Seroquel.

Your mother sounds like she's at her wits' end, and I don't blame her.  It's
extremely difficult to deal with the behavior you describe.  No doubt her
store of patience is long gone.  It's not uncommon to think, at least part of
the time, that the PWP could do better if he'd just *try*.  At this point,
unless your father's behavior can be improved with the drugs I've mentioned,
I'd guess it's time to be looking into nursing homes.  Your mother and
father, both, could be in danger from your father's behavior, and it sounds
as if your mother isn't able to cope anymore.  She's not to be blamed for
that.  It also sounds as if your life has been profoundly affected, and the
two of you together still aren't able to handle your father's illness.
That's not uncommon at this stage of your father's PD, unless medication
changes can improve his condition considerably.

Do check out the CARE list, where you'll get lots of practical advice and
loving support from people who have been there, done that.

Margie Swindler     cg for Dick, 55/18
<<
 My father has late-stage Parkinson's, at least I assume it is. He has
 dementia now and does a lot of things "normal" people wouldn't do. He has
 shook my mom, he has tried to pee on practically everything, along with
 hallucinations and more normal things with Parkinson's, like his muscles
 tensing on him where he can't walk and he has trouble forming what he
 wants to say into sentences. the problem is, I don't think my mom
 understands what the dementia is doing to him, and yells at him
 constantly, or at least she doesn't want to understand. i have tried
 explaining to her many times about how things are not really in his
 control, but I can't get through. She just says it is just so frustrating
 and puts on the poor me act, when it is my father who has Parkinson's! It
 hurts to see them like this, and I left the other day because I couldn't
 take the yeling any more. My mom told my dad tonight that it would be his
 fault if I left, when she is the one yelling! I told him in front of her
 it wasn't because of him...we have tried to get them to counseling, but my
 mom insists she doesn't need to go. I have quit activities at school to go
 to Parkinson's meetings with them, and she makes up excuses every week for
 that,too. I just don't know what to do, what can help make this better. i
 don't know what else to do and I can't stand being here-I don't sleep at
 all here because she is up yelling at him for everything he does, yelling
 at him when his legs freeze up and he can't move that "(he) isn't
 trying" We just really need any advice/support you can give us right
 now...

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