 |
 |
hi all some further thoughts written in the past month [but not sent [!]] in re my reply to rosemary janet responding to that pile of unresponded-to correspondence watchout non-paralysis-warning >Subj: Re: QT: Know / reply to rosemary / clinical depression? >To: [log in to unmask] >Date: Wed, 16 Feb 2000 05:17:14 -0500 >... >it took me months to get rid of my worst 'cd episode' of several years duration >but i know enough about it and can recognise its insidious onslaught now >that i ain't goin back there no more > >that may be part of the reason i sometimes sound goofy to a lot of parkies; >when i am stuck in 'the emotional numbness' and 'paralysis of will' that is cd >non-cd-ers and their jolly [read 'normal'] behaviour >seem like aliens to me > >having spent roughly equal numbers of years >dealing with pd and cd [as i know them] >i still feel that cd can be [has been] the tougher battle >simply because my entire life [not just the pd part] gets painted >with the uniquely opaque grey paint sold exclusively to the cd 'monkeys' and now, of course, i discover that one of the reasons for my writing to rosemary is that i needed to see the above words myself and consider them a smack upside my head from grac[i]e yet again the 'paralysis of will' is behind my not writing sooner not any intent or wish to disappoint i can see it sometimes as if someone else were doing the looking at a growing pile of non-responded-to messages/mail and strangely [or maybe not so] it seems that the paralysis is not so strong if the message contains a plea for help/assistance i suspect it might have something to do with my own realization that i might be needing some myself, even if it's simply the 'recognition of cd signs' factor emotional stress [negative or positive] will do it to me i feel like i only have so much emotional energy and when it gets used up i shut down so anyway here i am janet paterson 53 now / 41 dx / 37 onset a new voice: http://www.geocities.com/janet313/ 613 256 8340 PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario Canada K0A 1A0