 |
 |
I agree, being a caregiver can be very stressful.....I love my hubby dearly and he is doing pretty well...but I would never leave him alone for very long...a few hours maybe...he is 70 and has pd for 5 or so years.....I just feel better when I am there for him. Coleen :) At 04:27 PM 03/18/2000 -0500, Dick Swindler wrote: >Dear Cari - > >I do hope you'll let us know what you mother finds out when she visits the >neurologist. I hope he'll take your/her concerns and symptoms seriously. > >Please don't be too hard on your mother. Caring for one invalid can be >horribly difficult. Caring for two would reduce me to your mother's state, >and probably sooner. Your mother is asked to give her all 24 hours a day, >with *no one* to give back to her. And this is asked of her at a time in >her life when she has less physical ability and stamina than ever before in >her life. I'm not at all surprised that she feels she literally "can't" do >it anymore. She may have been having a particularly "down" moment when she >said it, but please be aware that she may literally mean she *can't* - not >just today, but permanently. > >There was a recent study quoted which compared caregivers to an age-matched >group of non-caregivers for four years and discovered that caregivers were >68% (or some number close to that) more likely to die during that time period >than non-caregivers. The amount of physical and mental stress caregiving >causes is almost certainly the explanation. What will your father do if your >mother suddenly dies and there is no one to care for him? > >I know you feel your mother has a choice in how she chooses to react to the >stresses of caregiving. Please consider that she wouldn't choose unhealthy >ways of coping if she knew how else to cope. Clearly she needs a "crutch" or >some kind of help, whether it's sugar or whatever else. I'm not convinced >that a triple dose of antidepressants will help in such a terribly depressing >situation. In addition, bear in mind that she feels very much trapped in the >situation she's in. She doesn't feel she has a choice, as a good wife and >daughter, other than to continue sacrificing herself for her husband and >mother. > >Have you had a family conference to look into other arrangements for your >grandmother and father? Can fulltime caretakers be hired to come into the >home? Can one or both of the invalids be placed in a care home? What about >respite care? Can you find an agency in your mom's area to provide respite >care so your mother can get out of the house from time to time? Personally, >I'd consider looking into care homes, doing the research, and sitting down to >talk with your mother about them. You might see what she'd prefer. I'd >expect that at first she wouldn't consider it, since to accept that solution >would mean she "wasn't doing her duty." But if she knows the option is >available and the family won't disown her if a care home becomes necessary, >then she can let you know when the time is right. > >Please give your mother a hug for us, and thank her for all she has done. >And please tell her that her life and wellbeing are important to you too. > >The best of luck to you, your parents, and your grandmother. > >Margie Swindler, cg for Dick, 55/18 > > MISSING LINKS, Adoptees/triad support group Grants Pass, So. OREGON 541-862-2226