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Dear Cari - I do hope you'll let us know what you mother finds out when she visits the neurologist. I hope he'll take your/her concerns and symptoms seriously. Please don't be too hard on your mother. Caring for one invalid can be horribly difficult. Caring for two would reduce me to your mother's state, and probably sooner. Your mother is asked to give her all 24 hours a day, with *no one* to give back to her. And this is asked of her at a time in her life when she has less physical ability and stamina than ever before in her life. I'm not at all surprised that she feels she literally "can't" do it anymore. She may have been having a particularly "down" moment when she said it, but please be aware that she may literally mean she *can't* - not just today, but permanently. There was a recent study quoted which compared caregivers to an age-matched group of non-caregivers for four years and discovered that caregivers were 68% (or some number close to that) more likely to die during that time period than non-caregivers. The amount of physical and mental stress caregiving causes is almost certainly the explanation. What will your father do if your mother suddenly dies and there is no one to care for him? I know you feel your mother has a choice in how she chooses to react to the stresses of caregiving. Please consider that she wouldn't choose unhealthy ways of coping if she knew how else to cope. Clearly she needs a "crutch" or some kind of help, whether it's sugar or whatever else. I'm not convinced that a triple dose of antidepressants will help in such a terribly depressing situation. In addition, bear in mind that she feels very much trapped in the situation she's in. She doesn't feel she has a choice, as a good wife and daughter, other than to continue sacrificing herself for her husband and mother. Have you had a family conference to look into other arrangements for your grandmother and father? Can fulltime caretakers be hired to come into the home? Can one or both of the invalids be placed in a care home? What about respite care? Can you find an agency in your mom's area to provide respite care so your mother can get out of the house from time to time? Personally, I'd consider looking into care homes, doing the research, and sitting down to talk with your mother about them. You might see what she'd prefer. I'd expect that at first she wouldn't consider it, since to accept that solution would mean she "wasn't doing her duty." But if she knows the option is available and the family won't disown her if a care home becomes necessary, then she can let you know when the time is right. Please give your mother a hug for us, and thank her for all she has done. And please tell her that her life and wellbeing are important to you too. The best of luck to you, your parents, and your grandmother. Margie Swindler, cg for Dick, 55/18