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Darwin.... I've been laughing SOOO hard at the "Pet Haikus," that a neighbor came over to make sure I was OK! She has four cats, so I printed her a copy of the Haikus and I thought she'd CROAK from laughter. A coupla gals who live nearby my condo were walking their pups nearby and were drawn to our laughter. Since I couldn't get a word out without bursting into guffaws, I printer out hard copies for THEM, too! Pretty soon there was a whole buncha folks standing in front of my condo howling in laughter!!! Since my mama didn't raise a fool, I figured what a great way to meet some of my new neighbors, so I ran to the fridge, grabbed a Sara Lee cheese cake, them whipped up a pitcher of lemonade, and hosted an impromptu party Watch out! They're all heading to YOUR home NOW! <giggling> Barb Mallut [log in to unmask] -----Original Message----- From: Hawkins, Darwin <[log in to unmask]> To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]> Date: Thursday, April 27, 2000 11:54 AM Subject: NONPD: Pet Haikus >For all you cat lovers, and the dog lovers get equal time! > > >> Cat Haikus >> >> You never feed me. >> Perhaps I'll sleep on your face. >> That will show you. >> >> You must scratch me there! >> Yes, above my tail! Behold, >> Elevator butt. >> >> I need a new toy. >> Tail of black dog keeps good time. >> Pounce! good dog! good dog! >> >> The rule for today: >> Touch my tail, I shred your hand. >> New rule tomorrow. >> >> In deep sleep hear sound >> Cat throwup hairball somewhere >> Will find in morning >> >> Grace personified, >> I leap into the window. >> I meant to do that. >> >> Blur of motion, then -- >> Silence, me, a paper bag. >> What is so funny? >> >> The mighty hunter >> Returns with gifts of plump birds -- >> Your foot just squashed one >> >> You're always typing. >> Well, let's see you ignore my >> Sitting on your hands. >> >> My small cardboard box. >> You cannot see me if I >> Can hide my head. >> >> Terrible battle. >> I fought for hours. Come and see! >> What's a 'term paper'? >> >> Kitty likes plastic >> Confuses for litter box >> Shouldn't leave around >> >> Small brave carnivores >> Kill pine cones and mosquitoes >> Fear vacuum cleaner >> >> Want to trim my claws? >> Don't even think about it! >> My cries will wake dead. >> >> I want to be close >> To you. Can I fit my head >> inside your armpit? >> >> Want to go outside. >> Oh, no! Help! I got outside! >> Let me back inside! >> >> Oh no! Big One >> has been trapped by newspaper! >> Cat to the rescue! >> >> Cats meow out of angst >> "Thumbs! If only we had thumbs! >> We could break so much!" >> >> Litter box not here >> You must have moved it again >> I'll go in the sink. >> >> The Big Ones snore now >> Every room is dark and cold >> Time for "Cup Hockey" >> >> We're almost equals >> I purr to show I love you >> Want to smell my butt? >> >> *********************** >> >> Dog Haikus >> >> I love my master; >> Thus I perfume myself with >> This rotten squirrel. >> >> I lie belly-up >> In the sunshine, happier >> Than you'll ever be. >> >> Today I have sniffed >> Twelve dog butts. I celebrate >> By licking your face. >> >> I sound the alarm! >> Paperboy! He'll kill us all! >> Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! >> >> I sound the alarm! >> Garbage man! He'll kill us all! >> Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! >> >> How do I love thee? >> The ways are as many as >> My hairs on the rug. >> >> My human is home! >> I am so ecstatic I have >> Made him a puddle. >> >> I Hate my choke chain. >> Look, world, they strangle me! Ack >> Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack! >> >> Look in these eyes and >> Deny it. No human could >> Love you more than me. >> >> The cat is not all >> Bad--she fills the litter box >> With sweet Tootsie Rolls. >> >> Dig under fence--why? >> Because it's there. Because it's >> There. Because it's there. >> >> I am your best friend, >> Now, forever, and always >> When you are eating. >> >> You may call them fleas, >> But they are far more--I call >> Them a vocation. >> >>