Here is the joke that was read by Tosh, Nancy, and Rachel during Inkshed 2000 talent night. I don't know it's origin; I got it through email from a friend.
- Tania Smith
>
> The Soapy Soap Opera
> _________________________________________________________________
> Below is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London
> hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved
> submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
>
> ---------------------
>
> Dear Maid,
>
> Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
> bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove
> the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest
> and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
>
> Thank you,
> S. Berman
>
> ---------------------
>
> Dear Room 635,
>
> I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
> her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as
> you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put
> on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.
> This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instruction from the
> management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
>
> Kathy, Relief Maid
>
> ---------------------
>
> Dear Maid,
>
> I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you
> about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got
> back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to
> the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the
> hotel for two weeks and havebrought my own bath-size Dial so I won't
> need those 6 little Camays which areon the shelf. They are in my way
> when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
>
> S. Berman
>
> ---------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
>
> My day off was last Wednesday so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps
> which we are instructed to do by the management. I took the 6 soaps
> which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish
> where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your
> convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are
> always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and
> which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please
> let me know if I can of further assistance.
>
> Your regular maid,
> Dotty
>
> ---------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
>
> The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you
> called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid
> service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will
> accept my apologies for any past inconvenince. If you have any future
> complaints, please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.
> Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
>
> Thank you,
> Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
>
> ---------------------
>
> Dear Miss Carmen,
>
> It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
> business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the
> reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I
> only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
> bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a
> new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my
> medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the
> bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars
> of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
>
> S. Berman
>
> ---------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
>
> Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
> room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
> please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
>
> Thank you,
> Elaine, Carmen, Housekeeper
>
> ---------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Kensedder,
>
> My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
> including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to
> call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
>
> S. Berman
>
> ---------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
>
> I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.
> I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids
> are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room.
> The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my
> apologies for the inconvenience.
>
> Martin L. Kenseder, Assistant Manager
>
> ---------------------
>
> Dear Mrs. Carmen,
>
> Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last
> night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of
> Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have
> 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath-size Dial. Please give
> me back my bath-size Dial.
>
> S. Berman
>
> ---------------------
>
> Dear Mr. Berman,
>
> You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed.
> Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so
> I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the
> 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know
> anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy,
> did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays
> plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this
> hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory
> which I left in your room.
>
> Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
>
> ---------------------
>
> Dear Mrs. Camen,
>
> Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
> As of today I possess:
>
> -on shelf under medicine cabinet, 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1
> stack of 2.
> -on Kleenex dispenser, 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
> -on bedroom dresser, 1 stack of 3 Cashmere bouquet, 1 stack of 4
> hotel-size ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
> -Inside medicine cabine, 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
> -In shower soap dish, 6 camay, very moist.
> -On northeast corner of tub, 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
> -on northwest corner of tub, 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
>
> Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
> neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more
> than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window
> sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap
> deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized
> Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further
> misunderstandings.
>
> S. Berman
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