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janet-What a wondrous writer! Thank you for the introduction. Carole --- janet paterson <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > this is a repost > of the best description of the experience of cd > that i have ever found > > janet > > ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > Post: 029603 > Date: Sat, 23 Aug 1997 > From: janet paterson > Subj: CD: A Poem by Jane Kenyon > ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > > HAVING IT OUT WITH MELANCHOLY > > If many remedies are prescribed for an illness, > you may be certain that the illness has no > cure. > > A.P. Chekhov > The Cherry Orchard > > > 1 FROM THE NURSERY > > When I was born, you waited > behind a pile of linen in the nursery, > and when we were alone, you lay down > on top of me, pressing > the bile of desolation into every pore. > And from that day on > everything under the sun and moon > made me sad=97even the yellow > wooden beads that slid and spun > along a spindle on my crib. > > You taught me to exist without gratitude. > You ruined my manners toward God: > "We're here simply to wit for death; > the pleasures of earth are overrated." > > I only appeared to belong to my mother, > to live among blocks and cotton undershirts > with snaps; among red tin lunch boxes > and report cards in ugly brown slipcases. > I was already yours=97the anti-urge, > the mutilator of souls. > > 2 BOTTLES > > Elavil, Ludiomil, Doxepin, > Norpramin, Prozac, Lithium, Xanax, > Wellbutrin, Parnate, Nardil, Zoloft. > The coated ones smell sweet or have > no smell; the powdery ones smell > like the chemistry lab at school > that made me hold my breath. > > 3 SUGGESTION FROM A FRIEND > > You wouldn't be so depressed > if you really believed in God. > > 4 OFTEN > > Often I go to bed as soon after dinner > as seems adult > (I mean I try to wait for dark) > in order to push away > from the massive pain in sleep's > frail wicker coracle. > > 5 ONCE THERE WAS LIGHT > > Once, in my early thirties, I saw > that I was a speck of light in the great > river of light that undulates through time. > I was floating with the whole > human family. We were all colors - those > who are living now, those who have died, > those who are not yet born. For a few > moments I floated, completely calm, > and I no longer hated having to exist. > > Like a crow who smells hot blood > you came flying to pull me out > of the glowing stream. > "I'll hold you up. I never let my dear > ones drown!" After that, I wept for days. > > 6 IN AND OUT > > The dog searches until he finds me > upstairs, lies down with a clatter > of elbows, puts his head on my foot. > > Sometimes the sound of his breathing > saves my life - in and out, in > and out; a pause, a long sigh... > > 7 PARDON > > A piece of burned meat > wears my clothes, speaks > in my voice, dispatches obligations > haltingly, or not at all. > It is tired of trying > to be stouthearted, tired > beyond measure. > > We move on to the monoamine > oxidase inhibitors. Day and night > I feel as if I had drunk six cups > of coffee, but the pain stops > abruptly. With the wonder > and bitterness of someone pardoned > for a crime she did not commit > I come back to marriage and friends, > to pink-fringed hollyhocks; come back > to my desk, books, and chair. > > 8 CREDO > > Pharmaceutical wonders are at work > but I believe only in this moment > of well-being. Unholy ghost, > you are certain to come again. > > Coarse, mean, you'll put your feet > on the coffee table, lean back, > and turn me into someone who can't > take the trouble to speak; someone > who can't sleep, or who does nothing > but sleep; can't read, or call > for an appointment for help. > > There is nothing I can do > against your coming. > When I am awake, I am still with thee. > > 9 WOOD THRUSH > > High on Nardil and June light > I wake at four, > waiting greedily for the first > notes of the wood thrush. Easeful air > presses through the screen > with the wild, complex song > of the bird, and I am overcome > by ordinary contentment. > What hurt me so terribly > all my life until this moment? > How I love the small, swiftly > beating heart of the bird > singing in the great maples; > its bright, unequivocal eye. > > Jane Kenyon > > > Copyright 1996 by Jane Kenyon > >From Otherwise: New & Selected Poems > <http://www.graywolfpress.org/> > ------------------------------------------------------------------- > > janet paterson > 53 now / 41 dx / 37 onset > 613 256 8340 / PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada > come visit my website "a new voice" at: > http://www.geocities.com/janet313/ __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Send instant messages & get email alerts with Yahoo! Messenger. http://im.yahoo.com/