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^^^^^^ WARM GREETINGS FROM ^^^^^^^^^^^^ :-) Ivan Suzman 50/39/36 [log in to unmask] :-) Portland, Maine land of lighthouses 46 deg. F :-) ******************************************************************** I am in danger again. I read Mary Yost's letter. I got spooked. when I realized that low-income PWP she talked about is , basically, me, and so I am up again asking for help I have been npraying for Jennifer Smith. Can she be released and stay with me? i mean i was and am unnerved. I am battlilng exhaustion. I was off the list for 3 days because of a lack of overnight care this past Monday and in the pre-dawn hours of Tuesday. That loss set me back, but really, for two months, as one after another worker was lost to higher-paying jobs, I became more and more exhausted. The volunteers are limited. Only a few are able to cope with what I am facing. I was taken to the hospital last Saturday. and discovered the policy for PD is "No Release"!!!! I told the discharge nurses I MUST go home and they let me exit in a wheelchair, thank God. A$15.00 per night stipend is all that the Bureau of ELder and Adult Services allows my nighttime workers to be paid. Isn't this illegal? I am being HEAVILY pressured to closet my gayness and lock it away forever. I am covered minimally by one person, Jeff, a dear, but struggling friend, wno stays here devotedly, for three nights. FOUR are UNCOVERED. I am in danger of NOT making it or being placed in a long-term care facility. Can anybody out there PLEASE help? I almost lost the battle to avoid institutionalizational living yesterday when a nurse with openly, spoken, homophobic views said that I am therfore exhibiting "pathological" behaviors (she is a "Christian"). I am haunted by Mary Yost's message about her friend who is low-income and suddenly I got scared. I am fighting sleep loss and anxiety. If my nighttime workers were offered anything normal I would not be in danger. Please someone with CLOUT I need help to overcome Maine's bureaucracy. This is NOT the boy crying wolf-it is the real danger I am facing right NOW I am trying to go to Psalm 43. I hope I can calm down a bit. Ivan :-) 51/39/36 PS Bonniei Rowley, your audiotape is packaged and is to be mailed today.