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... a talented and beautiful young woman discovered that she had developed a rare, chronic, incurable, degenerative, and, last but not least, debilitating brain disorder? what if she denied it and hated it and fought with it to the nth degree with every minute hour and day even as it progressed with every week month and year what if it caused her to abandon her musical career her life or [as she felt] more accurately perhaps, caused her musical colleagues to abandon her how would she perceive herself? who would she be? she is lost ... would she survive nursing the hate? could her family and friends open the gate? what would she think that she wanted? more than anything anything at all in the whole wide world? what if she found a promise of 'better - almost well' and opened it up to find only 'bitter - almost hell' what if she met a group of people with the same demon disorder what if some of them talk of acceptance and dream of hope what if some of them do not hate her monster like she does ... would she hate them? would she think them fools? would she appoint herself the slayer of the dream dragon? become the arbiter and comptroller and side-swiper of happy talk? play discordant music so loud as to drown out their pitiful parodies of melody? what would she do with all that hate feeding on its own frenzy forming its own life without her she is lost ... but only drowsing in her own dream of her own making is all time to wake up, rise 'n' shine, sun's out what if it's a beautiful morning what if it always is janet paterson 2000/06/20 janet paterson 53 now / 41 dx / 37 onset 613 256 8340 / PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada visit my website "a new voice" at: "http://www.geocities.com/janet313/"