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Dear Janet, The first time I read your poem, I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. I can feel the pain in it, and it makes me want to cry, and give you a big hug. Please don't think its because we don't hate PD as much as the next person, its just that some people have more energy than others, I for one don't have much energy anymore. What energy I do have ,I'd rather use to laugh, than cry. I decided a long time ago, that crying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it sure won't get you anywhere! I spent the day taking my Husband to the eye doctor, he's scheduled for a lens implant next month. No big deal~~~ except in this year alone he's had , aneurysm surgery, a slight stroke,and he's a 74 year old diabetic. But right now, he's legally blind, so he has to take a chance. Because, after all, that is what life is all about isn't it? Taking chances?? My office mate of 2.5 years ,is still in jail awating trial for a murder he committed 3 years ago, and I definitely will be called to testify!!! I have met his parents, and I have never met a nicer couple in my life!!! Can you imagine what life is for them? So you will forgive me please if I'd rather laugh ,and act silly, because somedays I have to laugh to keep from crying. You have done so much for this Net and for the people who can't do research on their own. For this we all thank you. Go look at a sunset, or a sunrise, or green grass and imagine what it would be like not to have eyesight. My Mother was blind for about 4 years before she died, but I never once heard her complain!! She said she had a lifetime of colorful memories, and a lot of people aren't granted a long life. So true. Just in case you're going to tell me this poem isn't about you, then please print off this email and give to the person in the poem. But Janet, librarians have had years of training in learning to read *between* the lines. "You might just as well laugh, it isn't going to get any funnier". just me, Marjorie 67/12 At 03:04 PM 06/20/2000 -0400, you wrote: >... a talented and beautiful young woman discovered that she had >developed a rare, chronic, incurable, degenerative, and, >last but not least, debilitating brain disorder? > >what if she denied it and hated it and fought with it >to the nth degree with every >minute hour and day >even >as it progressed with every >week month and year > >what if it caused her to abandon her musical career her life >or [as she felt] more accurately perhaps, >caused her musical colleagues >to abandon her > >how would she perceive herself? >who would she be? > >she is lost ... > >would she survive nursing the hate? >could her family and friends open the gate? > >what would she think that she wanted? >more than anything anything at all in the whole wide world? > >what if she found a promise of 'better - almost well' >and opened it up to find only 'bitter - almost hell' > >what if she met a group of people with the same demon disorder >what if some of them talk of acceptance and dream of hope >what if some of them do not hate her monster > >like she does ... > >would she hate them? >would she think them fools? >would she appoint herself the slayer of the dream dragon? >become the arbiter and comptroller and side-swiper of happy talk? >play discordant music so loud as to drown out their pitiful parodies of >melody? > >what would she do with all that hate >feeding on its own frenzy >forming its own life >without her > >she is lost ... > >but only drowsing in her own dream of her own making is all >time to wake up, rise 'n' shine, sun's out >what if it's a beautiful morning >what if it always is > > > >janet paterson >2000/06/20 > >janet paterson >53 now / 41 dx / 37 onset >613 256 8340 / PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada >visit my website "a new voice" at: "http://www.geocities.com/janet313/"