worth
-----------------------------------------------------------------
fear
is all around
waiting to leap out
waiting to be welcomed
why am i afraid of money
it comes and goes with barely a hint of a touch from me
don't want to learn how to use it
don't want to hang onto it
since i don't track it
i always lose track of it
i don't feel it as mine or real
i don't deserve it
when i was seven
i took a twenty dollar bill from mickey's dresser
i heard her wailing to mum about the money
no one ever said anything to me about it
i wasn't worthy of even scolding
no one wanted to know why
except me
now
i sorta felt smug
like i'd gotten away with something
and there was the thrill of doing something wrong
what if i get caught?
i couldn't spend it on anything really
twenty dollars worth of candy?
it must have been a symbol
of mickey?
of her graduation?
of her independence?
of her connection with mum?
why i was poking around mickey's room?
what did she have that i didn't have?
worth
equals
value
equals
money
equals
mum
equals
love
equals
loss
janet paterson
1997/07/22
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"http://www.geocities.com/janet313/wordsoth/pomes/19970722.html"
janet paterson
53 now / 41 dx / 37 onset
613 256 8340 / PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada
visit my website "a new voice" at: "http://www.geocities.com/janet313/"
