Powerful take-off from the $20, bill story---thanks, Janet.
> worth
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
>
> fear
> is all around
> waiting to leap out
> waiting to be welcomed
>
> why am i afraid of money
> it comes and goes with barely a hint of a touch from me
> don't want to learn how to use it
> don't want to hang onto it
>
> since i don't track it
> i always lose track of it
> i don't feel it as mine or real
> i don't deserve it
>
> when i was seven
> i took a twenty dollar bill from mickey's dresser
> i heard her wailing to mum about the money
> no one ever said anything to me about it
> i wasn't worthy of even scolding
> no one wanted to know why
>
> except me
> now
>
> i sorta felt smug
> like i'd gotten away with something
> and there was the thrill of doing something wrong
> what if i get caught?
>
> i couldn't spend it on anything really
> twenty dollars worth of candy?
>
> it must have been a symbol
>
> of mickey?
> of her graduation?
> of her independence?
> of her connection with mum?
>
> why i was poking around mickey's room?
> what did she have that i didn't have?
>
> worth
> equals
> value
> equals
> money
> equals
> mum
> equals
> love
> equals
> loss
>
> janet paterson
> 1997/07/22
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> "http://www.geocities.com/janet313/wordsoth/pomes/19970722.html"
>janet paterson
>53 now / 41 dx / 37 onset
>613 256 8340 / PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada
>visit my website "a new voice" at: "http://www.geocities.com/janet313/"
Camilla Hewson Flintermann <[log in to unmask]>
On PDWebring at : http://members.tripod.lycos.nl/genugten/flinterm.htm
"...everywhere I go,
I find that a poet
has been there
before me..."
...Sigmund Freud
