fascinating---- howard cbgd / psp worth ----------------------------------------------------------------- fear is all around waiting to leap out waiting to be welcomed why am i afraid of money it comes and goes with barely a hint of a touch from me don't want to learn how to use it don't want to hang onto it since i don't track it i always lose track of it i don't feel it as mine or real i don't deserve it when i was seven i took a twenty dollar bill from mickey's dresser i heard her wailing to mum about the money no one ever said anything to me about it i wasn't worthy of even scolding no one wanted to know why except me now i sorta felt smug like i'd gotten away with something and there was the thrill of doing something wrong what if i get caught? i couldn't spend it on anything really twenty dollars worth of candy? it must have been a symbol of mickey? of her graduation? of her independence? of her connection with mum? why i was poking around mickey's room? what did she have that i didn't have? worth equals value equals money equals mum equals love equals loss janet paterson 1997/07/22