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Hello all, don't know if sharing this will help, but I am having such trouble with the day-to-day decisions. My father would NEVER agree with some of my choices if he were "with-it", but I weigh things and some things have to be done. Today I had a very difficult day, details of living, like running errands and getting the e-check and registering the car, and this on my day "off". One thing after another made each part of my errands increase in difficulty and by the time the daycare bus pulled in I was already frazzled!!! I have been unable to be very giving with my Dad lately, I isolate more by reading and being on the computer, I just don't have it to give right now!!! I keep thinking more money would be the answer but I don't think that's it...it's about boundaries and taking care of myself and ?????????????????????????? One car flunked the echeck and that's our "good" car, came home to switch to the other one, ...well, you know, just one obstacle after another. I am overwhelmed again and afraid at some level Dad is getting a message that he is a burden, and sometimes it feels that way, but it makes me really sad to think I would ever communicate that verbally or nonverbally....that feels AWFUL....... Day before yesterday I was really grouchy and I asked dad where he was going when he tried to stand up, etc. and he said just trying to not catch hell for being alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FELT HORRIBLE..I explained that my grouchiness was not about his care or him, it was the fact that I have this enormous house and 2 and 1/2 acre of land to mow and all the laundry, and his care and on and on and on.....and (here I really sound like I am whining) I miss my friends, my apartment, my language, my culture, my home!!!!!!!!!!!! Alot. thanks for listening....... Deborah Caregiver to Eugene80/11+ ---------- >From: Camilla Flintermann <[log in to unmask]> >To: [log in to unmask] >Subject: Re: Question about subjects >Date: Mon, Jun 26, 2000, 10:19 PM > >Deb wrote in part-- > >SNIPPED >>My family is pretty challenging, I am the only person taking care of my dad >>and I moved from my home and my real family to do this. I left this part of >>the country, the US, 25+ years ago, and I am astounded how blessed I was to >>know to do this, I don't fit in here, and it is a challenge to try and stay >>spiritually aware, grateful and excited by life in these circumstances. I >>hope this makes sense. I am not, or I am trying very hard NOT to be part of >>any victim kind of mentality and to know I made the choice to do this, that >>there are gifts and lessons on any path, and to stay attuned to my higher >>self/higher power enough so that I will be guided when this is done and when >>I can/should move on. > >I am impressed with your spirit, and that you can put into a positive >"frame" what must be in many ways a very "hard row to hoe" as a CG. The >motivation for your choices must be very powerful, and awareness of that >will sustain you when things get tough. It sounds as if you can get lots >of "psychic income" as a result of the decision to put your own life on >hold for a while and care for him. I hope, however, that you will not >ignore your own needs, for to be a good CG you must also care for yourself. >Since you are a member of CARE, you know that there are lots of loving, >understanding folks there who can help if things threaten to overwhelm >you. Stay connected here and on CARE, and you will not be alone. > > > > >Peace and Love, Camilla > <[log in to unmask]> > > > >On PDWebring at : http://members.tripod.lycos.nl/genugten/flinterm.htm > > > Have YOU Hugged A Friend Today? > > ( ^ )_( ^ ) ( ^ )_( ^) > / o o) (o o \ > __/ ( | | ) \___ > (_ / * * \_ ) > / \/ \ > | | | | > | | | \__/| > \__/ | / > | | / > > / \ / > <____,---,___)(____/