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hi all sorry this one got away from me without the subject header the first time... At 03:09 PM 2000/06/30 -0700, bernie wrote to me privately: >>Date: Fri, 30 Jun 2000 12:44:09 -0700 >>To: [log in to unmask] >>From: "Bernard Barber,Ph.D." <[log in to unmask]> >>Subject: Thank you >> >>Hi Janet, >> >>I wish to thank you for your post re: Paige , She was on >>our Board of Directors of the Arizona Chapter of NPF. >> >>Her death was a surprise to all of us, and yes, Depression, >>along with PD, and some other physical issues, all >>contributed to her impulsive act. >> >>Thank you, >> >>Bernie Barber >> >>President of the Arizona Chapter of NPF bernie i truly appreciate your contacting me and also your kind words i also have no intention or desire to cause pain or embarrassment to paige's loved ones or to diminish our respect for paige's memory in any way this is such an important issue every time we lose another soul to suicide i feel it more and more deeply i have been looking at paige's website and other web-pages again [thank you murray for your magnificent digging [!]] imho the person who wrote those words was not in depression, period. no one mired in cd could express even one percent of that energy. the spark that jumps out of her words is from her unfettered and joyous spirit. i can remember while mired in cd not being 'able' to read some of my own posts because they 'made my eyes hurt' the joy [or the memory of the joy] [or the reminder of the loss of that joy] in them was too much to bear so i must make an assumption that somewhere somehow paige hit a major bump in her path which changed her thinking processes and enabled the dreaded cd downward spiral to take over bernie's note tends to confirm my assumption but for the sake of clarity in digging out the true 'cause' of this tragic 'effect' i would suggest that your words might need a tad bit of correction: >Depression, along with PD, and some other physical >issues, all contributed to her impulsive act ... imho, the physical issues do not 'cause' suicide viz: christopher reeve and stephen hawking are still stirring up 'trouble' the 'physical issues' may 'make us feel' a certain way physically, but they do not 'make us feel' any particular way emotionally or intellectually the way we think about things, the way we perceive the world we think we live in, creates our emotions in most cases we have a choice of how we perceive and thus how we think and thus how we feel [which is what my wysiwyg times three pome is all about] which can be one heck of a concept to wrap one's brain around i've been working on it for a few years now and i think i'm starting to 'get it' any old timers here will testify to the fact that i've been harping on the subject of "perceptions" since july 1997 why do i know the date and the timing so well? that's when i got the gumption to 'go public' again after my cd fog lifted and the world i had previously known [the world that i had almost forgotten had ever existed] came back into my viewfinder maybe i'm splitting hairs here, bernie, but i think i will feel compelled to keep splitting any that i come across until this 'most common disability world wide' which is also the 'most under-diagnosed' one and which has the most tragic and totally needless final symptom as its 'effect' is not only wrassled to the ground but is stomped all over and defeated into the dust one further clarification awhile back up the page i said: >in most cases we have a choice of >how we perceive and thus how we think and thus how we feel the unique and dastardly thing about cd is that it robs us of that choice it is not a physical disability like blindness or paralysis but a measurable bio-physio-chemical change in the chemical balance in a specific part of the brain the causes of the said imbalance can be all sorts of things: heredity, emotional trauma, pharmacological, physical, etc. etc maybe my 'getting' the concept of even *having* a choice in how i perceive things, in how i respond emotionally to my world, was that much more of a shock to me since, at the time, i was in the process of scraping away the cd muck and could barely comprehend the idea of feeling any emotions anyway let alone having control of them so this is jant's rant's summary for today: 1. physical disabilities do not cause cd 2. cd is caused by a brain chemistry change 3. which is reversible and curable 3.a. but 4. which change manifests itself in expression of negative emotions 5. which are considered "no-go" territory in our society 5.a. why? you tell me ... 6. which results in cd wrassling too many of us to the ground instead of the reverse janet so grateful to be here and now janet paterson 53 now / 41 dx / 37 onset 613 256 8340 / PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada visit my website "a new voice" at: "http://www.geocities.com/janet313/"