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hi all ken and i had a brief conversation about suicide janet ------------------------------------------------ >>>>at least with pd and sinemet >>>>there's a little relief in the symptoms >>>>good hard evidence of a little light at the end of the tunnel now and again >>> >>>Hi Janet, >>>I'm a bit confused about this statement. Don't you take >>>anti-depressants? Do they not work? A little bit even? >>i'm a bit confused by it now myself! >>i was on a late night rant 'n' roll >>and thinking too fast for my typing maybe! >> >>yes i take anti-depressants and yes they work just wonderfully >> >>maybe just as important, over the years, >>i have become fairly skilled at recognizing the "fog incoming" signs >>>At the first Parkinson's Action Network Forum a group of about twelve of >>>us, maily young-onset, had dinner at the hotel restaurant. I had not >>>met any of them before but we had grown close in a very short period of >>>time because of our common bond. Ofcourse, not having PD I felt a bit >>>of an outsider, but not much. >>> >>>At one point during the conversation the subject of suicide came up. I >>>was stunned to hear that everyone had considered it. They were >>>comfortable saying to one another that "if things got bad enough" they >>>would commit suicide. It was very matter of fact, rational and >>>guiltless. It was at this point that I began to grasp the depth of pain >>>in Parkinson's. >>> >>>As far as I know none of these individuals has done themselves in. Some >>>have been through some pretty tough times but they seem to be in it for >>>the long haul. >>>Regards, >>>Ken Aidekman >you don't have PD?! well why the heck am i talking to you at all then?! >lolo! > >i considered suicide my future 'out' for a long time as well > >in retrospect, i think the pain there was one >of anticipating and awfulizing the future > >just the idea of using a wheelchair might have terrified me at some point >but it holds no terror for me now > >i went for one in a shopping mall not long ago when i was off >and was intrigued to discover that my 21 year old niece >was embarrassed by it [not by me] > >we change and grow and adapt >and >we cannot foresee the future > >thinking about suicide from a 'safe' dinner party type distance >[not to belittle those discussions in any way whatsoever] >is not the aspect of cd and suicide that frustrates me > >it's the secret 'weakness' >the unexpressed pain >the hidden shame > >so needlessly crippling and delaying >when i know first hand that that type of thinking >is mostly lies and distortions which >disappear poof! with treatment > >looking back into the fog left behind >from an escapee's position can be an exercise in amazement >what in heck was that? >what was i thinking? > >janet > >(would you mind if i 'shared' this with the list?) Ok to share stuff with list. I'm a major big fan of anti-depressants. I've been taking them for over three years and the difference between before and after is night and day. I am stunned to experience what I feel like without them. When I miss some pills I become confused, distracted, tired, angry, apathetic, nasty. I'm not happy about being dependant on these anti-depressants but nonetheless I wish they were around for the many years of my life when I suffered needlessly. Exercise is real important as well. -Ken ------------------------------------------------ janet paterson 53 now / 41 dx / 37 onset 613 256 8340 / PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada visit my website "a new voice" at: "http://www.geocities.com/janet313/"