Hilary wrote in part---
SNIPPED
I have no caregiver. and i do not want
>my significant other (s.o.) to think i seek this relationship merely because i
>need a cg.!
Surely in this relationship there are things YOU do for your s.o., so that
there is a balance and mutuality and not all the help goes in one
direction. Not necessarily physical things, of course.
but of course, it would be nice to have a partner who as well as
>loving me, would take care of me when that time of need arrives - and lately
>that time appears to be approaching. Is my fear of the future alone
>contaminating this relationship in any way, or is it the real thing?
Only you can know that, of course. Try to be very honest with yourself.
It's harder when you are in a new relationship, without the undergirding of
having had good pre-PD times together, and a gradual acceptance of the
changes PD brings. That means, I think, that you have to work harder at
polishing and nurturing the rest of the relationship, so that it is truly
about more than PD and CGing. Not easy, with the needs you (both) have.
Some folks like the term carepartner better than caregiver, as it stresses
the mutuality and not that one is the giver and one the receiver. Does
reframing your thinking help? Does educating the s.o. so there is more
knowledge and perhaps less fear of the unknown help?
I think
>the latter, but how do i convince my s.o.? And how do i accept the proffered
>help, which i need, without it becoming the focal point of the relationship?
Not easy---but do what you can for yourself, and only accept help if you
can't avoid it, for starters. Your s.o. may really feel good about being
able to help you. This seems to be one of the areas where frank and open
communication about feelings is very important, as it always is in any
relationship Sharing as much of your personal histories as you can may help
to compensate for the lack of years of joint history you don't have..
Camilla Flintermann Oxford,OH
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On PD Webring at :
http://members.tripod.lycos.nl/genugten/flinterm.htm
" .....maybe there is more to healing than the cure."
.......Beth Gualtieri Goff
