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Janet, Re-visored? (this is not criticism). This means it has aleady been visored at least once. Is this like a sun-visor and similar to it being filtered? Back to seriousness - a very thought-provoking look at life. This is why I like you lot - you have lived and learned and has the ability to vocalise your experiences. I have always been the optimist (glass half full and not half empty etc.), but when depression hit it did it so gradually that I also started to criticise everything in sight without realising. I found that I had joined a big crowd who were experienced criticisers. With my photgraphy I found - although I can see the reasoning behind it - that my subject had good knowledge of what I had to miss when taking a portrait (double chin, big nose etc), but not a lot of knowledge on what the good and better angles were. As you so rightly point out, it seems that people thrive on pointing out the negative side of life. Maybe we must start a POSITIVE PARKIE PLACE for all to visit and leave with positive ions floating about. How positive are you about this? Regards. Gerrit Kleynscheldt (45/dx 1994) Please note that due to the fact that information can be electronically edited, the integrity of this message cannot be guaranteed. -----Original Message----- From: Parkinson's Information Exchange Network [mailto:[log in to unmask]]On Behalf Of janet paterson Sent: 23 July 2000 17:13 To: [log in to unmask] Subject: perceptions in sterling silver frames: re-visored hi all a major tenet of our [western] society is based on criticism critical comparisons keeping score tracking our 'success' would be unthinkable if it couldn't be in the context of 'compared to what? or whom?' to my way of thinking the critic's approach to life is a negative one the critic always sees the bad first; the good, if it even exists, is of minimal importance from college days onward, i have been a 'professional' critic, in visual terms at least when i worked as an interior designer doing office renovations and construction in bermuda the final "to-be-fixed-or-finished" list for the general contractor was called a 'punch list' the joke was that if the punch list items weren't completed on time the designer got to punch out the contractor! not-so-subtle reinforcement of the comparison poison of 'i am right and you are wrong' if i go into a new [to me] room/house/office/whatever my eye does an automatic quick scan and will zero in on 'flaws' first looking at a design job from that point of view is constructive [it can be a way to make a living] looking at life from that point of view is destructive [it can be a way to make a living sour] as a society we are brain-washed or rather brain-stained into wearing what-is-wrong-with-this-picture lenses which diminish the positives and emphasize the negatives i consider this as demoralizing and potentially as dangerous on a societal level as any clinically diagnosed depression is on an individual level personally, professionally, my own lenses have been re-fined and re-ground so that the negatives jump out front with a re-flective glow and the positives re-cede into the shadows in 1990 i quit the design business [20 yrs experience, ex-president of the b.s.i.d., been there done that] to start up my own company which was called Sterling and which sold contract furnishings to designers iow, i started selling furniture to my buddies for their interior design projects by 1993 Sterling was wildly successful to the point where i was in way over my head, sinking fast, and found no help when i [felt that i] needed it clinical depression moved in to gum up the works a succession of unsuitable partners and unfortunate circumstances turned into a roller-coaster ride of hope and work and loss and despair an example: my accountants bought into Sterling for a time; as diligent accountants they felt they had to consider all possible outcomes of the risk they [we] were taking which boiled down to 99% of their energy being devoted to painting one worst case scenario after another all of which 'wisdom' i absorbed avidly because i didn't know any better at the time so my roller-coaster metaphor then transformed into the merry-go-round-from-hell thoughts created emotions the emotions created actions the actions re-created the thoughts the 'self-fulfilling prophecy' is and the merry-go-round started boring its own hole-in-the-ground Sterling symbolised all my worldly goods all my social identity and reputation all my professional identity and reputation in my mind and in my thoughts by 1997 after fighting for four years i had to release it into the vapours of bankruptcy land it was not going to work no matter how hard or how long i tried and, in retrospect, maybe because i thought: 'partner x 'should' not have been so immature' 'supplier y 'should' have been more helpful' 'investor z 'should' not have reneged' 'i 'should' have been more assertive' all those sour stubborn thoughts kept trying to hop back on but i managed to find a chink in their armour with help from a 'shrink' and prozac [and a minor revelation] and whittled away at them till both the thoughts and their armour dissolved into dust if i look on the world as a threatening and unfair place i feel defensive and wary and i am attracted to others who share my viewpoint and we behave towards each other and the world in ways that reinforce that viewpoint and i see 'hurts' done to me that 'should not' have been done; which were 'unfair' and i cling to the resentment underneath as justification for my actions which are fixed on 'punishing' those who 'hurt' me and i am on the not-so-merry-go-round again if i see the actions of others as hurts deserving of punishment or if i see the actions of others as errors needing to be corrected [aka as goof-ups] i must see my own actions in the same way punishment is unforgiving punishment is retribution correction is forgiving correction is compassionate goof-ups are human i have a choice in how i see me in how i see the world in which pair of glasses i am going to wear in which reality i am going to perceive and thus create for myself i even have a choice despite four layers of obstacles: 1. our western societal brainwashing 2. my 'ultimate critic' training 3. my genetic tendency to cd 4. my pd tendency to cd just one of those factors would be enough to cause grimy lenses in any one of us 60 mgs of prozac per day is own my 'store-bought' brand of windex the elbow grease comes inside every body-bag no charge janet ps picture this a bunch of parkies stumbling around covered top-to-toe in 'body-suits' like kids' snowsuits with virtual reality headgear/visors clamped onto their heads and snapped in front of their eyes using stereotactic frames wandering through cyber-space 'janet, is that you?' pps now hum this 'you've got to accent-uate the positive elim-inate the negative latch on to the affirmative don't mess with mr-in-between' ppps i am still working on it, but in general, i can now look back on that 'Sterling period' and my partners and my accountants and even me with some understanding and compassion we all did what we could with what we had at the time we learned what we were ready to from the experience i would not be me now without it janet paterson 53 now / 41 dx pd / 37 onset pd / 44 dx cd / 43 onset cd tel: 613 256 8340 url: "http://www.geocities.com/janet313/" email: "[log in to unmask]" smail: PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada