> Subject: Vocabularity ?!?!? > > > The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which > they were asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The > following were some of the winning entries: > > Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. > > Carcinoma (n.), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog. > > Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. > > Willy-nily (adj.), impotent > > Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. (My > favorite!) > > Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly > answer the door in your nightie. > > Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. > > Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash. > > Bustard (n.), a very rude Metrobus driver. > > Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. > > Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you > are run over by a steamroller. > > Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. (1st Runner Up!) > > Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the > priesthood. > > Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist > immediately before he examines you. (2nd Runner Up!) > > Marionettes (n.), residents of Washington, D.C., who have been jerked > around by the mayor. > > Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish > expressions. > > Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up > on the roof and gets stuck there. > > They also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it > by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new > definition. Here are some recent winners: > > Sarchasm (n.), The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the > reader who doesn't get it. > > Reintarnation (n.), Coming back to life as a hillbilly. > > Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of > obtaining sex. > > Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously. > > Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. > > Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really > bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes. > > Glibido: All talk and no action. > > Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they > come at you rapidly. > > Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts > until you realize it was your money to start with. > > And, best of all...Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. > > > > > >