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> Be careful what you teach your children. > > > > What My Mother Taught Me > > My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going > to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" > > My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of > the carpet." > > My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm > going to knock you into the middle of next week!" > > My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." > > My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in > case you're in an accident." > > My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep on crying and I'll *give* you > something to really cry about." > > My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and > eat your supper!" > > My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -"Will you *look* at the dirt on > the back of your neck!" > > My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that > spinach is finished." > > My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept > through your room." > > My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because > I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?" > > My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told > you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!" > > My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -"I brought you into this world, > and I can take you out." > > My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your > father!" (my favorite) > > My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate > children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" > > My mother taught me about GRATITUDE - "You'd better eat every bite on > that plate! There are poor children in China that would be grateful for > that food." > > THANKS, MOM! > > >