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> Dear Stephanie, Thank you for the welcome. I needed that for it gives me the courage too write about myself. Like you, I've always been that independent one doing six things at one time. Since my parents always figured that I could fix anything that needed fixing-whether I did it or had someone do it, and since I pretty much raised my children myself(before and after the surgery of divorce)I never let illness get in my way. There was no time! I'm sure these facts of life and other experiences contributed to my becoming an extremely private person. Talking about anything that affected me just wasn't acceptable(it's still difficult). Like you, I'd give whatever time/energy I could to assist anyone in need. It took me years to let someone do the same for me. You know the old pride thing: "I'm not about to be beholden to anyone!" A few rough knocks in the "Friendship Game" at a time when I truly needed friends, didn't help, and between that, my struggling marriage, and what I had to accomplish to take care of my children, resulted in my placing a protective wall around myself that would have been right at home in the Arctic! It's a good thing I had some intelligence. It wasn't easy, but with meditation, determination and the love of true friends, just about all the walls tumbled into oblivion. Mine is a long story-just like everyone else's, but it and my genetic pool or some long-gone or still-existing environmental hazard are probably what bring me to today. And frankly, I'm not sure where that is. I just know there are others much worse off than I. My plan was to retire during the summer of '96. I had planned it that way for five years, and my head was full of things I wanted to do, places I so wanted to visit. Three months after I retired, I received the PD diagnosis. Almost from the beginning, the medication didn't work. I became so drowsy, I fell asleep everywhere. As a child, I was "blessed" with lifetime RLS which has resulted in severe aching and intense pain that originates in my calves. Whatever it is intensifies from midnight on and into the day. I'm always more tired each AM than I was the night before. I'm not inclined to want to talk about it, but there might be someone out there who has the same problem. Maybe we can commiserate together. Naturally, my diagnosis changed from PD to PD Syndrome or PD Plus. My neurologist tells me I may have "invented" a new form. They're waiting for more symptoms to show. In the meantime, they've told me what they know it isn't. That's a couple of PD Plus diagnoses down. Only a few hundred more to go! Initially, I was told I'd have a number of years to live as I have always been accustomed to living. "It AIN'T necessarily so." Like the rest of you, it's one day at a time. I sometimes crawl before I walk especially when I'm washing floors or trying to give my canine alter ego medication. But I do walk, and I'm not sure which one of us is doing the pulling! Have I given up some of my independence? You bet, but not very gracefully. Do I have to depend on others for the first time in my life? You bet, but not without a struggle. Am I a survivor? You better believe it! How's that for Chapter One, Stephanie? May we all walk in the headdress of the sun. E ([log in to unmask])