now you tell me!!! after 7 kids i am not crazy just a mother and grandmother who thought i was alone connie ----- Original Message ----- From: "Benjamin Winter" <[log in to unmask]> To: <[log in to unmask]> Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2000 6:43 PM Subject: non-PD: a newly identified disease > Do you commonly find yourself calling your children by > the wrong name, and feel like kicking yourself for > spending > so much time selecting just the right name for each > child? > > Do you find yourself saying to your child, "Sure, I > know where you left your cookie. It's on the long white > horizontal surface in the kitchen...you know, the one > with > the thing we cook with on one end and the thing we put > stuff > in to keep it cold on the other end? Um...there's a sink > in it?" > > Do you tell people on the phone that you'll be happy to > take a message, just as soon as you find a > "message-writing-down > thingamabob?" > > In fact, do all the nouns in your vocabulary, nouns > which have been your friends and companions since > you were two years old, suddenly become "thingies" > when you are under pressure? You may be suffering > from Deficient noun disease. > > Deficient noun disease, or DND, is a common affliction > among mothers of small children (older children too). > While not a dangerous illness, DND is an exasperating > and frustrating one which increases in severity in direct > proportion to the number of children in the household. > > Common symptoms of DND include the following: Calling > children by each other's names, forgetting the proper > names for common household objects, and casually > referring to other adults not as "John and Jane" but as > "those people with the pool who barbecue every Friday." > > Another common symptom is the frequent use of the > WRONG noun in a given situation, rather like mild > aphasia. Someone with this particular type of DND might > say, "Put your plate on the stove...I mean on the > counter... > I mean ON THE TABLE!" > > A less common symptom displayed by some DND sufferers is > an > ailment also referred to as the "Crossword" Syndrome. > With > this particular type of DND-related illness, the affected > person might declare, "Oh, yes, I know her name. Let's > see... > it starts with an "S", has five letters...." > > DND, although virtually untreatable and incurable, can > still be > endured with a minimum of pain and embarrassment if the > afflicted > person makes use of the following handy coping > mechanisms. > > One method of coping with the disease involves the clever > use of > nicknames, which can easily apply to any individual in > the family, > like "Dear" or "Sweetheart". This method breaks down when > the DND > sufferer is faced with the necessity of differentiating > between > individuals, or when she is talking to several people at > one time, > so the use of group nicknames, like referring to everyone > in the > room as "Y'all", a common Southern coping mechanism, is > recommended. > > Another good way to conceal DND from your friends and > family members > is to develop the habit of pausing in your sentences when > reaching a > crucial noun. If the pause is long enough, the other > individual will > attempt to guess the noun for you, and you need only > respond in the > affirmative when the correct noun is reached. Although > this method > may take time, it certainly adds suspense to an otherwise > ordinary > conversation. > > The information available on DND is still patchy and > incomplete, due > to the unnecessary shame felt by many mothers who do not > realize that > this illness is wide-spread and quite common. Very few > mothers are able > to call their children by name, and it is difficult for > them to believe > that the time invested in picking out those names was, to > put it bluntly, > wasted. > > When education has removed the stigma from the minds of > all women, this > disease might very well be shown to be the most common > affliction in > human history. > > The cause of DND is not yet known; some scientists > believe that using a > word over 100,000 times in the course of a lifetime may > simply fade that > word from long-term memory; mothers simply reach the > lifetime limit > earlier > because they must repeat themselves so often. Other > scientists hold up > the > two-year old child as proof positive that the repetition > of a word more > than 100,000 times (in this case, the word, "Mommy,") > does not cause > selective noun amnesia. > > Although modern science may never be able to cure DND or > discover what > exactly causes it, we as mothers and fellow sufferers can > still help one > another to recognize the illness and learn to live in > harmony with it. > > The next time you hear yourself shouting, > "CLAUDIA-CODY-BETSY-LOGAN-JILL, > YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! GET IN HERE!," you can comfort > yourself with the > knowledge that mothers all over the world are doing the > same thing. >