PD & ME Like a snake, slithering silently up on it's prey Or a sneak thief, cowardly slipping away something begins to steal my body from me First, part of my vision disappears, so I can no longer see not fast, oh no, that would merely be bad but so slowly I didn't miss what I no longer had Until I finally lost so much sight that even the day resembles the night Test followed test And one doctor follows another in giving his guess But none know for sure, and life goes on it's just the peripheral vision, not that much can be wrong and nothing else seems to be touched, perhaps this is why I seem to fall so much, Maybe it will stop here... But that doesn't quiet my innermost fear. And next my legs don't want to work, and the feet curl inward Walking is so hard, and my movement is hindered And falls come more often, along with broken bones Days are bad enough, but at night I can't hide the moans. More tests, more doctors, more guesswork and still no one can give me a name Doctors still trying to outguess other doctors Like it's all some type of game Then a foot starts shaking, and never stops A hand curls up, and strums my shoulder a lot and more tests follow, with more guesses and still no answers , is it my imagination, those sideways glances? With the guesses come prescriptions and bills One wears out, but the other never will and another diagnosis, with a brand new pill But this one is great, and for four hours at a time my old body is back, and it's really like mine Oh what a joy, to run and play ,or ride and drive, And for the first time in years, I feel really alive But the price I pay, not just for doctors and meds - When the pills wear off, that's the time I dread Helpful strangers staring, or calling for help Me feeling so freakish, pain making me yelp. Inside I'm still me, a cowboy at heart But no one can see that inner part My face is a mask, my limbs twisted and locked and if some brave soul touches them, they feel like a rock. And the meds aren't a cure, they just hide the symptoms and the disease waits inside for when they are no longer effective to spring out of hiding, like a curse or invective During the long nights, when the pain is so bad, I stare at the stars, and wish I could get mad at God or fate, or whatever might be Cause something is to blame, could it be me? As I've already said, inside I'm the same, But sometimes I wish so badly I had something to blame - something to take this hate from my heart and ease the pain of existing, at least in part But there is no cause, no virus, no cure Of this lousy fact the damn doctors are sure so they raise the narcotics, to keep down the pain Who cares what goes on, inside the brain And tears stay inside, mostly unshed Along with the other monsters in my head And I know the day will never come true When the man who is inside, will be the same man you view. So next time you see someone strange on the street Look them in the eye, don't stare at their feet Cause inside, to them, they are still the same and your "kindness" of not staring, causes so much pain. that the tears inside fall like rain. bob armentrout, copyright 2000 A NEW MOON A new moon is rising above the hill tops they call mountains here. I sit in an old boat, thinking about the two of you. Your years together, and the changes that's been made in your world. I think of Grandpa, moving to Texas, and old model T trucks. And I wonder how many back then would have scoffed at the idea of a truck driving 70mph, or gasoline costing $1.90 a gallon. And I wonder how the two of you met, and how he proposed to Grammer. I remember driving by that big old house in Nixon, and wondering what stories it could tell. About two boys and a girl, all who grew up, moved away and graduated college. Or about a little boy being chased around an outhouse by a goose. And I think about families getting together to kill a beef because there wasn't any other way to keep meat fresh. Farming all night, and working all day, to keep food on the table And I think how lonely Grammer must have been when Grandpa was in the south pacific and what a joyful time it must have been when he came home. Then I think of all the years and adventures I can remember - camping trips in tents and pop-up campers Colorado and Canada Mexico and North Dakota Fishing, and watching Grammer catch the biggest fish always just using an old cane pole. And I remember her black eye, and tying a deer's legs together with her scarf. And Grandpa teaching me how to roof a house, fix an engine and be a man. I think of old engines, and holiday dinners Knitted sweaters and trips all over the nation, And two laps, always available, there in a rocking chair, whenever you needed a hug. I watch the moonlight dance on the waves, showing black and silver and I know it's shining on you tonight too. As I think of all the memories you've given me, I know I've truly been blessed, to have the two of you for grandparents, and I send you my thanks and my love on your anniversary I hope you have a wonderful day together. bob bob armentrout copyright 2000 BLUE EYES Two sets of blue eyes haunt my dreams Both brim with unshed tears Both with a claim on my soul Both declaring their love for me. One has the comfort of years' past on her side, The soothing feelings of the familiar, and the knowledge of a shared life But those blue eyes were also blind to so much pain and loneliness. The other blue eyes are full of compassion and love. They don't come with the benefit of shared experiences, Or the ease of the familiar but they see so deeply inside me. One will cry with joy, the other will cry with pain. Tears will fall, and hearts will weep. Time will ease the pain and joy will be seen in both sets of eyes. But blue eyes, brimming with tears, Haunt my memories. bob armentrout copyright 2000 _________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at http://profiles.msn.com.