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Subject: Position: Mom > POSITION: Mom > > JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent > work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent > communication and organizational skills and be willing to work various hours, > which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. > Some > overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on > rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel > expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. > > RESPONSIBILITIES: This is for the rest of your life. Must be willing to be > hated at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating. Must be > willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina > of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat > in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just > crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such > as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. > Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of > multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social > gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to > be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. > Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, > plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but > be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for > the quality of the end product Responsibilities also include floor > maintenance > and janitorial work throughout the facility. > > POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: > Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, > without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that > those in your charge can ultimately surpass you. > > PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training > offered on a continually exhausting basis. > > WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A > balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that > college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give > them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is > that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. > > BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition > reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job > supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life > if you play your cards right. > > Forward this on to all the Moms you know, in appreciation > for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know > they are appreciated. NANCY:)