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From our part of the world to yours, we wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving-a day in which all medications work. > May we all, with our loved ones, walk together in the headdress of the sun. E of the headdress > >A Change In Plans > >Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling >you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be >coming, I've made a few small changes: > >Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. >After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows >of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect. >The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china >or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and >everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain >from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from >last Christmas. > >Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I >promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration >hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me >it is a turkey. > >We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you >while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice >comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey >hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 >a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut >diamonds. As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a >recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I >don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds >suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They >are lying. > >We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the >start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional >method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When >the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you >like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a >separate table, in a separate room. Next door. > >Now I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in >front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening >at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a >private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any >circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, >unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric >knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will >eventually win. When I do, we will eat. > >Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice >between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the >traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and fingerprints. >You will still have a choice; take it or leave it. > >Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She >probably won't come next year either. I am thankful. > > >